I Am Beautiful

 I couldn't take it anymore and signed off of Facebook. I was about to shut down my whole computer and throw it against the wall when Travis IMed me.

Artboy: Hey, I heard what happened. You okay? I've got ice cream ready.

RyLeigh23: No. No ice cream. It will make me even more fat. And no I'm not okay Travis. How can I be? I don't even want to know what they said this time. 

Artboy: Shut up. Don't you ever talk like that again!

RyLeigh23: Why not? It's true. I got 23 messages on Facebook. People telling me I'm gross and I should just go and kill myself. Maybe they are right.

I was waiting for Travis to respond but he seemed to be taking forever typing a really long reply. I knew he was going to tell me not to say that stuff but how can I not? It's all true, everybody was right. I should just go and kill myself.

Before I knew it I was fast asleep, hunching over the computer desk with my head on it. I'm surprised it didn't collapse with my weight being on it.

I remember in my dream I was in the bathroom. I had no face but I was still the same fat girl. Slowly I opened the cabinet door above my sink and pulled out a razor. I laid it on the edge of the sink and started to carefully strip my clothes. Watching my skin get more stretched out with more stretchmarks showing. Was it wrong what I was about to do? Yes, probably but I wanted to pain to badly disappear. I clutched the razor in my hand and walked toward the bathtub. 

I remember stepping in it like it was real life. The razor cutting my skin cleanly, all over my body. It didn't matter because I was already ugly.

"What the hell are you doing Ry?!" Travis? What was he doing in my dream?

"Killing myself. It seems to be the most popular vote on what to do." 

"Don't. Don't you dare."

I can't remember the rest of the dream because I woke up and found Travis in my room. With food. 

"Why are you here?"

"Oh you know, when you send your best friend 20 IM's you expect a reply but when you don't get one you get really worried." He nodded to my computer screen which was blinking with new messages from Travis. 

I couldn't take my eyes off of him though, "I'm sorry." I mumbled.

"RyLeigh, can I ask you something?" All seriousness was in his voice.

"What?"

"Why don't you think you're beautiful?"

I stared at him in complete shock.  Why did I hate myself so much? 

"Because. Because, I'm fat and I'm ugly. Nobody wants to date me."

"I know what's wrong with you." Travis said.

"What's wrong with me? Please, I feel like I can't live anymore."

"It's complicated but I can cure you."

"Okay. I trust you. Do whatever you need to do." Was he right? Did he know just what to do? I hope he did, this feeling. I can't live with it anymore. 

"Okay, close your eyes and relax." He was looking right at me with certainty in his eyes. I'm just an emotional teenage girl. I cry to much, laugh not enough. I don't think I'm pretty, but I can't say I'm ugly. I wish I was average, but I'm a freak. Travis, Travis is different. He's not popular but everybody seems to know him. He doesn't play football or any sports. He would rather study than party. He's not any other boy you see. He is Travis.

My eye lids covered my eyes. He knows what he's doing. Just trust yourself RyLeigh. That's what this relationship is built around. It may not be the greatest feeling at times but it helped me get through the most difficult times.

What happened next is not like it is in those books. You don't feel fireworks or a shock through your body. I didn't beg for more. Neither one of us felt on top of the world. Our lips didn't swell from being all over each other. Our tongues never danced. We didn't remove our clothes to feel closer to each other. It was a single kiss that wouldn't have changed anything if it wasn't Travis's lips on mine. 

It was our beautiful fairytale.

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ALSO VOTE AND COMMENT IF YOU ARE COMPLETELY AGAINST BULLIES! THEY NEED TO BE STOPPED. AND GIRLS.. REMEMBER YOU ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL, AND IF A GUY CAN'T TRULY SEE THAT THEN HE WASN'T WORTH YOUR TIME. IF A RUMOR IS AROUND ABOUT YOU BE GLAD PEOPLE TAKE THAT MUCH TIME TO THINK ABOUT YOU BECAUSE THEY ARE JEALOUS. WHO CARES IF YOU ARE FAT OR HAVE TO MANY PIMPLES OR TALK TO MUCH OR YOUR EYES ARE TO CLOSE TOGETHER. BE YOU BECAUSE THE NEXT BEAUTIFUL IS BEING YOURSELF! :)

How was that? Was it bad, good, terrible, okay, different, boring, stupid, dumb, annoying, awesome, freaky cool, wicked, unique, the worst thing ever??

"When I'm sad, I just stop being sad and start being awesome. True story." - Barney Stinson(Neil Patrick Harris - How I Met Your Mother-)