These are just thoughts I have about you as they come. I've discovered that writing helps, and while I'm pretty much over you, it helps me to write you out of my mind. These will be dated, because I wish I had dated the last series so I could see my mental progress.
19 February 2016 | 3:25 PM
I think the thing I hate the most about you is that you have made me afraid of being alone. I'm so in need of human contact now, and I used to be such an introvert before I met you, but now all I want to do is go out with friends. Being out and about and having fun makes me forget about you for a little while, and when I'm alone, the thoughts come rushing back and I get sad and lonely. I'm never lonely. All I need is myself and no one else, and I'm never lonely, except now I am. And that scares me. You took from me something I valued so highly about myself. And for that, I fucking hate you. I've been trying to convince myself of something that could make me hate you, and I think I've found it. You completely ruined my ability to be by myself inside my own head. I fucking hate you for that.
28 February 2016 | 8:11 PM
I'm over everything else. It doesn't hurt that you don't love me anymore. It doesn't hurt that you like her. It doesn't hurt that you don't love me anymore. It doesn't hurt that you played with my feelings anymore. What hurts is that all that's left is the fact that I fucking miss you. I miss you so fucking much, it's killing me. I don't even miss the stupid bullshit, like your kisses and hugs and all the gross relationship bullshit. I don't miss you as a boyfriend. I miss you as a person. I miss you so fucking badly, it's rendering me useless. I can't function half the time because I'm torn apart inside thinking about the terrifying fact that you probably don't miss me at all. You're fine. You're completely and utterly fine. You don't text me, or call me, or want to talk to me at all, or else you fucking would. If you actually wanted to talk to me as much as you fucking wanted to talk to her, someone who doesn't even fucking love you and never did and never ever fucking will, you god damn fucking would. So everything I feel doesn't fucking matter anyways, because it doesn't mean anything to anyone except me. I'm over everything, I don't care that you don't love me anymore, because I don't love you the same way either. But I will be damned if you don't fucking miss me. And if you don't, then we're not friends, because I can't be friends with someone who doesn't give enough of a fuck about me to miss me.
27 March 2016 | 5:33 PM
It's been a while. A whole fucking month. And in that month, a lot of fucking shit happened. We were actually friends. For a whole two weeks, we got to talking more, and hanging out a little, until one day you wanted to go for a drive. And you kissed me. And we fought about it, and I was stuck wondering where the hell that even came from. And you kissed me the next day, too. So, I figured we were back together, because I asked you and this was what you wanted. Until you didn't anymore, which was fine, because I figured that there was a 2% chance of us ever staying together. But I was fine with just being friends, because I like having you as a friend. However, something made you never want to talk to me ever again, so I snapped and yelled at you and called you an asshole. This whole time I had been gracious despite all of your fucking bullshit, but I couldn't handle it anymore. And we haven't talked since then, because you're too much of a fucking pussy to be friends with me. I don't even fucking want you back anymore, I just care about you so I want to be friends. And now I think you're suspended for stealing. And your friend has told me all of your bullshit: how many girls you fucked around with, how many girls' feelings you played with, how much drugs you've been doing, what kinds of trouble you've gotten into, how you've been stealing, how you pretty much just let go of everything. And at the end of the day, I still fucking care. I want to be there to help you get through whatever you're going through. You say that you don't want to talk to me to prevent me from hurting, but I think it's hurting you more than it's hurting me. Because you're losing an amazing person, one who misses you like crazy and cares about you more than anything. It hurts me more that we don't talk than if we stay friends. But if this is what you want, so be it. It's your loss. So we're done. Goodbye.
Love,
Tori
