Frigid Flora

nineteen - you've changed

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Chapter Nineteen

I knew that the boys had a big fallout with Hayden toward the end of our camping trip, what I hadn't known was the reasoning behind it. Hayden had brought GHB, a drug that he was apparently insisting that only he consumed, to our little expedition of sorts. Frankly, I didn't care what he got up to for he could ruin his life with drugs if he wished. What I did care about was the fact that Parker, Topher and Axel were convinced that he'd slipped it into the chocolate milk and drugged both Matthew and I, hence my memory loss and Matthew's comatose state after drinking. According to Parker, nobody was happy with him for doing it. Not only did they believe his denial to be a lie, but they were angry at the fact he'd spiked one of his supposed life long friend's drink.

After telling me everything that had happened that night, speaking about where we stood after our kiss didn't seem entirely appropriate. Not after the drug reveal. This meant that the past few weeks had consisted of Parker and I treading carefully around one another almost as if we were on thin ice, having no clue how to behave and just being downright awkward. It didn't help that Jason was still fixed to his side wherever he went.

"You seem stressed these days. More than usual." Doctor Greene stated whilst itching his ginger stubble as if in deep thought. It needed cut, his beard, and I idly wondered if food got caught in it. Would he save the morsels for later or pick them out?

"Thank you for the observation, Sherlock, but I'm quite alright." I replied stiffly, gaze fixed to the ceiling.

"You've been speaking to me more these past few months which is good. It's progress. Try not to fall back into the secrets and sarcasm, you've come such a long way since then. This boy you spoke of, Parker, the one who you're able to hold hands with, have there been any developments on that front?"

I couldn't help but feel as though he was prying into my relationship rather than if there had been anymore touches. Of course, he couldn't have known there was anything more going on between us other than friendship. All he knew was that a friend was helping me tackle the great big hurdle that was my phobia, which I guess was true in a sense. Nevertheless, my defensive mechanism kicked in.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean have you improved any since then? Become more confident? Ventured down new paths and experimented with...let's think, hm, a hug?"

We made out didn't exactly seem appropriate for a therapy session, yet at the same time it involved a great deal of touching. I decided that it most definitely wasn't the type of information I wanted to be sharing with this man. Some secrets were necessary, even when they involved physical contact which was the whole reason I was sitting in the extremely uncomfortable leather chair.

"I'm pretty confident with handholding now," I paused. "But only with him."

"Have you tried it with anyone else?" He inquired.

"No."

He extended his hand forward. "Let's say we give it a shot. A good old handshake for starters."

I pulled a face. "No thank you, kind sir. I must decline."

He returned his hand to rest on his lap. "Alright, well how about you try it with your mother? I'm sure she'd love it, and though the idea may not seem so pleasing to you at the moment, I believe that in the long run you'd appreciate it if you gave it a shot."

The truth was that I'd been meaning to try it. I wanted to try hand holding, hugs, high fives. I wanted to experience these things with my mother because it was only natural. I wanted to be able to hug Skylar, too. What I feared was that they would both get too excited, their hopes raised to unachievable heights that I'd soon be a completely normal teenager. At least with Parker I knew that he was patient and could wait because it wasn't an overpowering desire or anything (or, plot twist, was it?). What I knew for a fact was that it was something my mother was desperate for, something that she would get far too excited and hopeful about. I couldn't handle crashing anybody's hopes.