Auschwitz

Chapter 7 Let me die

The light shined through my eye lids and I dreaded knowing I had to wake up. Please no. Slowly batting my eyes open, I could barely move. I felt dead. Maybe I was.
Mother. Maybe I could see her again. Maybe just maybe. As I opened my eyes fully I knew where I was, the hospital block. Elizabeth brought me to the hospital block.
"Hello?" I asked and my voice sounded so low. So raspy. "Hello?"
Again, it sounded like a creaky door, mixed with mouse. I bet anyone could barely hear me. I was laying face down with my face against the hay mattress. It was nice to lay down, but I knew why I had to. I slowly moved my left hand up, off the flat bed and touched my back, flinching, I removed it as fast as I could.

"Maria?" I heard hoarsely next to me.
"Elizabeth?" My lips felt like a desert and my tongue was the sand.
"You're fine. Oh thank mother Mary!" She had lost more weight, and her tan olive skin, became a sickly pale.
"I was afraid you weren't going to wake. I save some bread for you. But I had to keep it in your hay. I would've gotten you some water. But everyone's crowding the washing block." She said and stood up. "I hid you when they did a selection. All the typhus infected that you stole the logs for... Are gone." She said and looked down.
All that I did... I did for nothing, I got whipped for nothing...
"The cut on your hand... It had worms. I wrapped it for you.. But if you won't get them out. You may die."
"Why even bother living?" I asked softly.
"Don't say that. You'll live. Well get through this. I know it. The almighty is not that cruel."
"What almighty! We're stuck in here! His people are dying, other people are dying! There is no almighty! Why would he let this happen!" I felt tears, but no tears came, I can't believe I'm so dehydrated that I can't even cry.
"Maria, don't say that. He is the reason, you didn't die, you have purpose. Even if it's to die. Your purpose in this world will come. You may be down right now. But I believe you'll be okay." She said and reached in the hay searching and finally pulled her hand out, a piece of bread in her hand. But it looked stale and a little moldy.
I reached out my hand and took it softly.
"Eat. Pray. Get better." She said and stood up.
I lifted it to my lips and opened my mouth to bite it. Soon I tasted the bread, it was stale, and crunchy, but at least it was something.
"Why? Why have you don't this to your people?"
No answer, like always.
"Maria? What do you think you'll be strong enough to get up. So we can't try to get the worms out of your hand?"
I didn't know, I want to enjoy my bread in peace.
"I don't know Elizabeth. I just want to rest at the moment. Maybe if I sleep a little more."
"You can't, I'm sorry, you need to regain your strength. Your back has clotted so it's okay for you to get up."
"It hurts."
"I know."
Shoving the rest of the bread in my pocket I moved both my arms to either of my sides, I push and feel a rip and a fluid run down my back. The more I get up the more I feel it. I also feel the urge to cry, the overwhelming urge that I need to. Because I haven't cited liquid tears in so long.
"Elizabeth?"
My voice came out clear as a bell as I twisted to sit up. Her face was the of our worry.
"Your back. It's bleeding again."
"I think it would, Ninety percent of my back is lashed and torn apart."
"I saved you a clean shirt in case."
"Where did you get it?" I asked in our awe.
"I took three days worth of a beating and gave up two pieces of bread. It's worth it knowing you don't die of infection."
I did almost cry real liquid tears. I have a friend. Who cares so much for me that she would take beatings and give away food for my health.
"Elizabeth.."
"Don't say anything. I did it because your a friend. The only friend I have."
Her accent coming through, the Romanian accent that resembles Dracula.
"Thank you." I held out my arm and touched her arm lightly, her forearm.
"You're very welcome. Now, let's get you dressed. I'm sorry, it may hurt. Maybe later we can get you a bath. If the girls will let us into the bathing block.
I nodded slowly and pushed myself out of the bed, clutching her arm.
"Is it okay if I lean on you?"
"It always is." She patted my shoulder softly and walked me to the door.
"Where are we going?"
"We're just walking around, okay? We're going to avoid the women SS still patrolling today. Well get your strength back. Then you'll be able to work. There's a selection tomorrow that we need to hide you from. We have done well so far. Three selections, we have saved you by hiding you under the straw mattress."
"I couldn't repay you if I had tons of gold."
"Don't mention it, I just don't want to see my friend burned alive, or gassed. That's no way for an innocent girl to die. It's no way for anyone to die."
Soon we passed the barn, the punishment barn they hang Jews in. Though it doesn't kill you by strangulation. Or snapping your neck. This type of hanging, is so painful, you'll beg to be shot.
They take your arms and tie them both behind your back, pulling your arms up they hang you  backwards by your arms. When you put your weight on them, you break both of them and keep hanging there until you die from hunger. Or pass out from the pain.
Why am I alive when they're not. Why am I here, when my mother is not. My father, my family. Where are they? Why is this happening.
"Elizabeth, I'm thirsty, can we go to the bathing block."
I can't bear to see those poor souls any more I can't bear to look on the ground and see women, dying, hungry. So skinny they can fall into the cracks of the sidewalk.
The stench. The horror.
"Yes. Well try."
She led me to the left, leading me to the bathing block which included the toilet, and the small tap that you could drink from.
It was always filled with girls, thousands.
We approached and it wasn't as full as I thought it was.
"Less of a line today, do you think we could wait in line Maria?" She asked and held me up.
"I'll wait, some of these girls need it more then me." My back stung but I felt it start to clot again.
Looking through the girls, I saw the same thing, walking skeletons, pale, sick people, I wish I can help them all.
Our hair, gone but some patches growing  back my hair was only stubble, like my legs.
I wish I had my hair back. That would make me happy, although we would probably get lice and other parasites.

"Let me die."
"What?" Her voice was alarmed.
"What's the point of living, if this is my life Elizabeth."
"We're going to make it, Maria, were okay, we're going to make it to the end of the war."
"Why are you lying to yourself? Look around you! The horror, the death, the smoke from the chimminies. This isn't exactly old poland, this isn't where we used to be. It's a death camp. The target is us."
"Maria. Calm down. We will get through this. Until our day comes, until we're marched to the gas chambers.. Well get through this. Well make it I promise you. Stop telling me to let you die. You're my only friend, my only family. I love you like I do my sister. Who is gone."
"Elizabeth if you loved me. You'd let me die in peace." I pulled my arm away and stood by myself holding the wall.
"Maria. Snap out of it. Liberation will come! It will." She grabbed my arm and pulled me forward when the line moved, and I felt so numb, so not at tune with my emotions. I felt like, I shouldn't be here and it what was eating me from the inside out.
"Don't talk about this again please." Elizabeth looked me in the eyes and told me I would make it until liberation. I'd rather join Ariel, my mother. My beloved father.
Why not just die and be at peace?
Walking into the bathing house we walked to the left, which was where the spout was. Elizabeth grabbed her bowl from the side and put it underneath the dripping water. Getting enough to drink we walked on before a riot broke out.
Trudging back we saw the hospital block in plain view. The selection had started.