Infatuation (Camren)

five

Lauren softly kissed Camila's chest, her arms draped carelessly around her, one hand constantly rubbing up and down her back. They'd been like this for a very long period of time, lying on her bed, close together. Camila would occasionally take the time to feast on her neck, kissing and lightly sucking it, while continuing her hand's everlasting motion on her back. Lauren would take turns with her, kissing her chest like she was at the moment, when she wasn't enjoying her neck.

They were both in clothes, the top half of Camila's flannel unbuttoned. They weren't anywhere near sex right now, they were just cuddling. And it was nice. Lauren couldn't think of any better feeling in the world than the one that overcame her when Camila held her. Sex was amazing, probably the next best feeling on her list. But when Camila held her she felt love and comfort and irrational happiness, and it was wonderful.

"This is nice." Camila murmured, very quietly, staring at the wall, as she enjoyed the feeling of Lauren's body next to hers, "I'm glad I stayed here instead of going to some stupid party. I like to listen to you breathing."

Lauren smiled, and ran her nails up and down Camila's stomach, gently scratching it, "I wish we could always be like this Camz." she said quietly and softly.

"Sometimes I do too." Camila replied. She kissed the top of her head, "Sometimes I think that being with you is the only thing that will make me happy, but other times..." She trailed off, not intending to finish her sentence.

Lauren finished it for her, "You think Ariana's the one who makes you happy?" she asked.

"I don't know Lo." Camila sighed, "When I'm around you, I feel so at peace and part of a whole, like I'm incomplete or something when I'm not with you. But I wonder if that's just because I'm cheating on my girlfriend and feel guilty about it, and being with you makes me feel less alone, because we commit these acts together."

Lauren couldn't believe how openly Camila was discussing this with her. Her words stung, though she hadn't intended at all for them to. Camila wasn't saying what Lauren wanted to hear, she wasn't admitting any true love towards her, despite the passion she saw in her eyes when she looked at her and felt in her body when they made love. Her words remained hollow, free of attachment to her or Ariana. It was her custom to speak this way, completely honest and out in the open, her words unclouded with bias emotions.

Lauren imagined in her mind herself looking up at Camila at that moment and saying, "I love you," the way she had longed to so many times before. Yet she restrained herself now as she had all times prior, unable to handle the inevitable rejection she would face when she didn't return the words.

"Would it really be that big of a deal to break up with her, and give us a chance?" Lauren asked her softly. She gazed up at her with her large green eyes, waiting for her to meet hers with her own brown ones.

"Laur, it's complicated. You know that." Camila sighed, stroking her back once again, "Let's just enjoy the night, okay?" She lifted Lauren's t-shirt up over her head, kissing down the valley between her breasts. Her tongue flicked over the nipple of one, Lauren's breathing growing slightly more labored, as she slid one hand into Camila's messy air-dried hair.

She couldn't help but feel like they were digressing. This was what the two of them always did to avoid any conflict, they reduced to sex. They used it as a relief from stress, used it to avoid any serious conversations they weren't willing to deal with, and they used it as a release from the feelings she knew they both felt. Sex provided an outlet for Camila; a way to secretly say to Lauren everything she couldn't actually say to her, without her ever having to admit these emotions to Lauren or herself.

Camila was kissing her breasts aimlessly, without any apparent intentions of progressing onto sex. She was merely enjoying a part of her body she happened to favor. She took a strange pride in them at school, when she saw guys admiring Lauren's body as they so often did, she felt her chest puff with the knowledge that she was the only one to ever touch her. She relished in this knowledge later in bed with her, and was doing so now, thinking of how so many boys' (and girls) fantasies and wet dreams must have been of kissing Lauren Jauregui where she was now. This made Camila kiss her breasts more roughly, then she softened her kisses again, until they faded into small suckles that avected small murmurs and moans from Lauren.