The Lies That Bind

|5| Bloodstream

A/N: Hi? I hope you still remember me. It's been months since I've updated and I am sorry. Writer's block is never a good thing. I want to thank those who have been patient with me and have messaged me their concern regarding my status. I am okay and I am ready to write again. Thank you all for the support; the voting, commenting, and following. I am very happy that you're all enjoying it so far :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 5: Bloodstream

                    Wake up and look me in the eyes again
                    I need to feel your hand upon my face
                    Words can be like knives
                    They can cut you open
                    And then the silence surrounds you
                    And haunts you

     It's dark and warm when I find myself awake in the middle of the dead night. The lights are off so it takes me a couple of seconds to adjust my eyes to the complete nothingness I am encountered with. The reminiscence of the night's events flashes into my head as I feel Blake's naked chest against my back. His long arms are draped over my waist, holding onto my stomach securely.

     I feel his long, deep and even breaths on the edges of my forehead and hair. I know he's far too passed out to feel any of my movements. My focus shifts to the window just a few feet away as I hear the loud drops of the heavy rain against the curtain covered frame.

     I close my eyes and try to concentrate on the pattern and the sounds of the water tapping. A sense of closure washes over me as I remember the nights I used to spend at Blake's apartment, wrapped in his loving embrace that never let me go. A smile tugs at the corner of my mouth as I let the memories overtake me, bringing remorse and happiness at each and every scene.

     And then, just like a bucket of ice cold water, I am brought into the harsh reality as I realize who Blake really is.

     I suddenly want to shake him awake, I want to shoot questions after questions demanding why he lied the in the first place. Why he went ahead and loved me even though it was dangerous. I have so many things to tell him, to ask him, to share with him. But it's so hard to accept who he is. It's scary what he's capable of; killing, doing dangerous drugs, trafficking. How could I have missed all those features in him? How did I overlook so much and let myself fall so deep for him? And more importantly, how do I continue? How am I supposed to live knowing what he does, knowing that he's dangerous both to me and our baby? His baby?

     Overwhelmed with emotions I cannot seem to control, I lose to the panic inside my head. I feel sweat building on the edges of my face, feeling a rush of coldness even though the blanket and Blake's natural body heat should be more than enough to keep me warm.

     "Blake," I whisper between breaths. "Wake up."

     His only response is the repositioning of his hands that push me closer to him, increasing the panic, leaving me for no room to breathe.

     "Blake," I scrappily try again. "Wake up, please."

     "Hmm,"

     "Wake up," I say a little louder this time, regaining control over my vocal cords. I try to wiggle out of his tight hold, finally hearing him grunt out his awakened state.

     "Scar?" he mumbles tiredly, his voice scratched, still heavy with sleep.

     I breathe out in relief as his arms slide off my body into the mattress underneath us.

     I get up, my head spinning wildly at the swiftness of the movement, and pull the blanket tighter around me. Slowly, I regain my breaths and let the panic disappear from my body. My eyes glaze over and water slightly but I pull my head up towards the ceiling to prevent the tears threatening to fall behind my tired eyelids.