Training the Team (Dougie Hamilton)

Impulsive

Saturday, January 2

I wake up fully clothed on my bed, still wearing my dress from last night.

My hair is damp and curly, and my heels are on my floor. I'm alone on my bed, thank God. I pull myself off my bed and move into my bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror, then look away quickly. I scrub my makeup off, wiping the remnants of gloss off my lips gently-

Gently, the way Dougie's lips pressed against mine last night-

I shake my head, pushing the memory away, angrily and roughly wiping off the rest of my makeup. I peel the dress off and turn on my shower. I wait for the water to get hot under my hand-

Hot, the way Dougie's face felt beneath my palms-

I grit my teeth and slap the fiberglass wall of my shower.

Damn it!

I take deep breaths until I calm down enough to get into the shower. I let the hot water run over my skin, washing away last night, warming me up again. I stand under the water after I've washed my hair, feeling it fall on my skin like rain-

Rain, which is what I felt when I ran outside after Dougie kissed me. Cold rain pouring over my skin like a thousand icy needles. Gasping for breath, both from the physical activity and Dougie's mouth on mine. I close my eyes. Dougie's mouth on mine-

I gasp, yanking myself out of my memories.

"I don't want to remember!" I nearly shout.

"I- I don't want to," I choke, my voice breaking, but I know I will.

•
Midnight. The start of a new year. 

I remember leaning up to kiss Dougie, his hands on my face. My hands tangled in his soft hair as I reached up for him, curving my body to his. He pushed me back so that I was against the counter, still kissing me. His lips were warm and soft and gentle and urgent, and my bones felt like they were melting. Everything was hot and red and Dougie. He was all I knew, all I could see, all I could breathe. He was leaning against me as we kissed, our lips colliding, and, for the moment, I didn't care that everything was changing and everything was different. All I cared about was Dougie. My heart was leaping for joy in my chest, my pulse sped up in a way that should have been concerning, but it was all right, it was Dougie.

Somehow, we pulled apart, and I felt like a part of me had been torn away. We stared at each other, breathing hard, and then the fear came back.

What had I done?

Dougie and I can't be- we shouldn't be-

I slapped him.

He stared at me, open mouthed, and I did the only thing I could think of: turned on my heel and ran.

I ran out of Brad's, out of his building, into the pouring ice cold rain outside. It was only then that I stopped running.

I gasped for breath, closed my eyes, trying to control myself, hoping that the sharp stings of the freezing raindrops would help clear my head. They didn't.

And, when I opened my eyes, Dougie was standing there. He said something that I didn't quite hear, and I stepped back.

"You're soaking," he said, coming up to me.

"I know," I gasped.

"And freezing. You need to get out of this weather."

I nodded. "I know," I repeated.