Growing up, my life was pretty simple. I lived with my mum and my brother Alex, and I saw my dad every other weekend. I was a bright kid, did well in school, was reasonably popular - life was good. But something told me I was different from the other girls. While they fussed over dolls, I had my Action Men. While they played hand games and did handstands, I played football and climbed trees. But I was young, it didn't matter then. To everyone I was Kate - top of the class, loved school, was popular. To everyone I was just a regular kid. My classmates didn't really see me as a girl or boy. I guess that's what it's like when you're young. In reception I had four girlfriends and no one even blinked. In year one I made a friend, Jordan, and we used to play imaginary games where we flirted with girls. In year two, I played the Spy game with Jack where we spied on a pair of twins in year 6. I acted and saw myself as a boy.
Of course, I knew I was a girl. Like I said, I was a bright kid but what I was didn't match what I felt inside and that confused me. I told my mum when I was about four and she said I was a tomboy and from that moment on, to me, the term 'tomboy' meant 'wants to be a boy'. I always hated gender specific games or that annoying thing where teachers put boys against girls and I still do. When I was in the infants section at school (up to year two), the toilets were pretty much communal. We had seperate stalls but we shared the bathroom. We all changed together and it wasn't a problem. As I got older, I kind of accepted the unwritten social rules that I was a girl and to say otherwise would be wrong. Looking back, primary school was easy. You were who you wanted to be and no one would think you any different. Even my first year in secondary school was alright. I went to an all girls school which made me a bit uncomfortable but I was fine with it. Something makes me wonder if my mum knew all along and was trying to push me to being a 'proper' girl. She's told me since that she doesn't exactly agree with transsexuals and their way of life - especially the surgery part. I think this may have been a way to protect me. But more on her later.
It was in Year 7 I realised I liked girls. I had a particularly strong crush on this one girl Alice and was always stuttering and blushing when she came within three feet of me. I came out to my mum as bisexual. I think this is a stepping stone for many people who like others of the same sex and I took that step. My mum was completely fine with it although wasn't too impressed with Alice. I never really came out as lesbian and I now know why. I never was 'gay'. Terminology was difficult for me as I felt like a straight guy yet everyone identified me as a lesbian. A lesbian is a woman who is attracted to other women so that label didn't match. I don't bother with labels anymore because, honestly, they don't matter. I am me, unique and myself. No one can put a label on anyone as everyone is different. That's how I see it anyway.
Being young is easy, simple. There's no labels, no complications. You are just you and that's all that matters. I miss being that young and, in a way, naive. Everything made sense, was straight forward. Everyone got on with everyone, there were no enemies - not proper ones anyway. Life went on slowly but surely, nothing really changed and I liked it that way. There was no rush, no panic. Problems that seemed so big then are in reality very small. But, inevitably, you are kicked into a mass of complications that is real life. There's no safety net, no protection. You face life as it is and realise there are bigger issues to be dealt with. The world is a big place but I only realised that when I left Year 7 and started Year 8.
I moved from the house I had grown up in and known all my life to a whole new country, a whole new world it seemed. 8000 miles away, I set up life in Sri Lanka. That would lead to the most difficult and most interesting year of my life.
