John made his way past the nurses' station, knowing they were too busy with shift change to be bothered.
He entered the last door on the floor, its entryway tucked in between the wall and the hustle and bustle of the ICU unit. It seemed appropriate that it was so far away from everything, allowing for the quiet of the reality to settle in.
The object of his search lay on the bed sleeping, the sound of the multiple machines lulling a calm into the room.
"I brought flowers Francis, your favorites."
John held up the bunch of daisies proudly before emptying a nearby vase and replacing them with the multicolor bouquet.
He made his way back to the bed, working his way around slowly as he smoothed the blankets and made sure every corner was properly tucked into place.
"I know exactly what you are thinking right now. Who am I to be so fussy? I was always the messy one." John chuckled a bit as he did his last check of the pillows, pulling the edge for just a bit more fluff. "I guess at some point you rubbed off on me."
He made his way over to the window and drew back the curtain, bathing the room in amber light as the sun set in the distance.
"Look at that sunset! Wow it's amazing. Reminds me of the day we met." John leaned into the window sill, his eyes watching the slow decline into the horizon. "Do you remember that day Francis?"
He waited a moment, imagining that the slow pump of the breathing machine was a response of interest.
"I knew you did. I remember. I remember you sitting on that sidewalk, your head in your hands, waiting for your mother to come pick you up from the park."
John grabbed the nearest chair and dragged it to the foot of the bed. "You seemed so scared and it was getting so dark. I rolled my bike up next to you and asked you what was wrong? You looked sad when you told me she had forgotten you again."
He ran his fingers along a small indentation on the footboard. "The look on your face was so forlorn, I felt like I had to protect you. So I figured the only thing I could do was sit down next to you and wait. I remember thinking how cold my food was going to be when I finally got home."
The soft clip clop of a passing nurse's shoes rang outside the closed door.
"You were so quiet, so embarrassed, just nodding your head to my silly stories. I remember I finally had to offer you half of my pop tart just to get you to talk." John smiled, "That's how I knew you were special, I was not one to willingly share a pop tart with just anyone."
John reached forward and gently moved a lock of grey hair from Francis's face. "You gave me that big smile that I have come to know so well, and for some reason I felt like the grateful one. You laughed when I said thank you, but in that way you have that makes me feel like I'm special."
He paused, taking a moment to gaze upon the aged face of his beloved. "You told me about your mom, and how hard things were at home. Even though it was different for me, I felt connected to you even more. The longer we sat there, watching each rotation of the street light as it got later and later, I somehow knew we were meant to meet."
"I remember wanting to hold your hand, my fingers inching closer to yours as they gripped the edge of the cold cement. I wanted to see how it felt, just to hold your hand, to comfort you when I knew you were scared."
His weathered hands trailed up the blanket, coming to rest near Francis's open palm. "How many times have I held your hand since? How many times have I held you close in hopes I could stop the pain? And yet in that moment I could not reach out and touch you anymore than I have the strength to now."
A single tear trailed down John's face as he pulled his hand back. "But even as kids you were so strong, even though it was you that was scared, and I was meant to be the one to help you, somehow, you comforted me. Even now my love, even in this moment when I am losing you, you somehow comfort me."
John sat back in the seat, his gaze on the evolution of the outside sky, as he wiped away the moistened lines from his cheeks. "I remember the way you looked at me when I told you we should give up and I would just give you a ride home on my handlebars. You did it, but I knew you thought I was crazy. Do you remember I asked you years later why you did it?"
John caressed the yellow band on his finger as he smiled through his tears. "You told me it was because you trusted me. I had had a lot of things in life, but never such an answer that meant so much to me. It was that moment that I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with you."
Francis's chest rose for a moment, causing John to look up in hope, but no sound followed.
"And now we have spent the rest of our lives my love, and I still wish I could protect you."
John hung his head. "I wish I knew how, I wish the whole world would just continue all around us while you and I sit, just like that day."
John rested his head, his hands trailing the lines of the fragile body of his whole world.
The nurse cleared her throat softly. "Mister Collette, I'm sorry but only..."
"I know."
"...family after visiting hours." Her voice trailed off as her discomfort grew.
John held his gaze on Francis's face as he gripped his partner's hand; leaning close to lay a soft kiss upon the head of the soul he had loved his whole life.
Leaning on his cane he stood up, offering the petite nurse a tired smile. "Take care of him Sue."
The nurse looked down as John passed her. "I don't make the rules Mister Collette, if it was up to me..."
He patted her shoulder reassuringly as he passed. "I know, I know."
John paused just inside the doorway, leaning lightly on the door sill as he turned to give Francis one last look. "Till tomorrow my love."
Sue waited till John had walked away, knowing she would find him again the next day. Quietly she closed the curtains just as the room lost the last of the sunlight.
