Letters For Him

9//Dear Myself

Dear Myself,

Writing all this down onto paper and re reading all the mistakes and horrendous descisions you made must make you feel so stupid, and the question is...
How could you be so stupid?

The day you first met Sophia was the day you vowed not to ever hurt her, but what did you do? You broke her heart and tore yours apart.

Sometimes you think if she was better off not knowing you, how her life would be different if you had never laid eyes on her that day in the coffee shop. She wouldn't be the same person she is now but maybe she would be happier, if you hadn't taken 3 years of her life for it only to end in misery and sorrow.

How could you be so stupid?

You will always feel like you could have done so much more for her, loved her more, cherished the memories you had with her more each day. Although you believe Sophia would have been better off not knowing you, you wouldn't be the person you are if it wasn't for her.

Letting her go was the hardest part, and it still haunts you to this day. You will never get over that and sometimes you need to be hurt to realise that the decisions you make are sometimes good for you but can hurt others in the process.

If you could turn back time I'm sure deep in your heart you wouldn't have let her go, through all the pain and heartbreak you had been through you wouldn't have let her go and she would have been more miserable with you than she ever was.

Just keep telling yourself that the descision you made that day was for her. Everything you did and do is for her.

Yes you couldn't imagine life without her and you would wake up in your empty apartment, angry tears welling in your eyes, you hating yourself every minute of everyday but the only thing that kept you going was the thought of her being happy without you. Even if she didn't see it that way.

Because although Sophia was strong when it came to you she had no willpower, she tried to hide the fact that things had taken a turn for the worst and that you could pull through this but she was kidding herself as you looked into her eyes and saw the desperation within them. How she clung on to your shirt so tight as if you were her lifeline.

How could you be so stupid?

You had the one thing that made your existence worth living, the one thing that brought out the best in you, the one thing that you loved more than anything in the world and you ruined it by-...

...

You ruined it by being you and that's what will haunt you for the rest of your life.

Leo the idiot.