3
Disappear
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And it wasn't the one thing that set her off,
It was an abundance of them,
It was the string tied tightly around all of them and mailed directly to her doorstep
Time and time again.
It was the thoughts she had at night
When any regular child had long since been asleep,
It was the desire for pain.
The way she stared at the razor blade she'd popped out a long time ago
In anticipation.
The way she dug her fingers into the fleshy meat of her thigh
And the way she cried
And the way she cried
And the way she cried.
The way she ran too much scalding hot bath water
And the way she sank in
Because for a moment it felt like her skin would just disappear
And like she could float
And like she could fly
And just fly so faraway from here
And her emotions
And their harsh words and the way they forced her to look at them.
Because she hates looking people in the eye.
She has a serious problem looking people in the eye,
And they think that they're helping her
But they're not,
They're making her all the worse.
