The Only Hope For Me Is You [My Chemical Romance]

Chapter 9: Sorry Is An Overused Word

~Gerard's POV~

I regretted it as soon as the last word left my lips and I saw her reaction. It hit me like a tonne of bricks. I had been so brutally horrible to her that I had driven her to tears.

That wasn't good. I slumped down the pane of the door frame and sat there for a while. I never meant it to go this far. I wish I could control myself more.

I could hear her distant sobbing and I felt me heart throb. I felt so bad. It was a weird feeling. I'd never felt bad for someone before and if this is what it felt like, I didn’t enjoy the guilt that came with it much.

This is the worse it had ever gotten with anyone. Looking back she was right. I had been a dick to her since the day we met. I sat leaning against the door frame for a little while longer. Then I heard the sound of heavy thuds on the wooden stairs, becoming louder and soon Mikey had appeared from the stair well.

“Where’s Dana?” He asked suspiciously, a small line creased across his brow when he saw me slumped on the door frame.

“Uhhr, I-.” I stammered. I could still hear Dana crying slightly but now there was a sweet, sad wash of piano notes rising above the sobs and seeping out through the door of the art room. Mikey heard it too and turned back to face me his arms crossed.

“What did you do?” He asked sternly, I could hear the venom stinging his voice.

“I said some things.” I replied, gulping nervously. “Bad things.” I repeated and looked down at my feet.  

“Well done.” Mikey said sarcastically and frowned at me. “You always know how to ruin something. I thought we were past this.”

“I’m sorry Mikes.” I said quieter.

“You can’t just throw round a word: ‘sorry’ and expect it mean something. Don’t be sorry to me. Be sorry to her.” Mikey spat and turned towards the art room door, gesturing his hand at it. Then he walked back towards the stairs. Just before going down them he said: “Apologise properly. I don’t care how long it takes you but she deserves it. She’s been nothing but friendly to you despite the fact you’re a complete arse hole to her all the time.” Then he walked down the stairs and I could hear his footsteps fading away into nothing.

I sat by the door for a while. Why had I been such a retard to her? She really was trying to be nice to me and after all she had been through. I pondered this thought for a while and eventually came up with three reasons.

Number one: I remember what she was like in her freshman year. I was a sophomore and she was with the ‘popular crowd’ I remember her sitting there while her friends teased me. She obviously didn’t remember because she didn’t recognise me from school, Mikey had said. Yes she’s supposedly changed but she was still one of them at one point in time.

Reason two: I had a reputation to uphold, a loner, arse hole. I’m rude to people, that’s how I roll. But also I needed to keep her as far away from me so she didn’t get hurt like Mikey did when he was too close to me.

Reason three: I thought that the same thing that happened with Stacey and the whole of the ‘populars’ in the school would happen again. Dana would reject me because I wasn’t ‘cool’ enough or good looking enough and then laugh about me and I couldn’t have that happen again.

She is beautiful, yes, maybe even more so than Stacey. But I couldn’t risk messing with her life. Besides I didn’t want to be friends with a girl who used to watch me get bullied. Though come to think of it, I do remember her asking them to stop a few times. They never listened of course.

All the time I had just spent thinking I had formed a conclusion in my head. I was in the wrong, she had been sent away, outcast from her friends because of the way she was but she hadn’t been horrible to me.