Chim- Sunrises through the skylight

Chapter 4

Cheryl's POV

I wake up to a tingling sensation in my foot. It's Ashley tickling me to wake me up. 

"2pm mate. Get up." he's holding a can of beer in one hand. He leans against the sofa.

"If it's only 2pm-"

"Yeah, mate. Two o'clock in the afternoon, get up!" He laughs.

I sit up feeling dizzy and groggy. My hair is a total mess and my eyes sting from the mix of makeup and tears in my eyes from last night. Ashley offers me his hand to get up. I take it and he pulls me off the sofa. I reach for my phone on the edge of the couch. 6 messages. 4 from Kimberley, 2 from Matthew. 

"Hey, Cheryl. I really hope you're ok."

"Do ya feel like getting a coffee later in Starbucks?"

"Are you awake yet silly girl? How's your foot? haha x"

"How is Ashley? Are u on speaking terms or what? like what happened? Ring me when he leaves"

I don't care much for Matthew's texts. From the previews they're just saying to get Ashley to ring him. He probably already has.

Ashley sits down beside me on the couch. It dips with his muscular build. He snatches my phone, but I'm too tired to make any noise, so I roll my eyes and let him have it. I've nothing to hide anymore.

"Babe, did Matt text you last night?" 

"No, but he texted me this morning... or afternoon or whatever" I reply, walking slowly towards the kitchen and boil the kettle.

"Oh. ok. can I text him now, yeah?" His brow furrows with concentration as he types a message back to his brother. Maybe he didn't ring him after all.

"If you want to. Do you want tea?" 

"Yeah, ok babe."

So instead of boiling the kettle for one, I boil it for two; just like old times. Just like how things used to be. I remember that he likes one and a half teaspoons of sugar and only a bit of milk. I remember bringing him tea when he was sick, or in the middle of the night before a big match. It felt so nice to be in a real relationship again. I bring him in his tea, in the mug he used to like.

"You still have my mug?" He looks up, his smile twinkling in his eyes.

I smile at him, but quickly shy away and drink my own tea. 

"Yeah I do. I never got rid of it. Just in case." I stare ahead of me at where the wall meets the floor. I can feel Ashley staring at my face, like he's expecting me to confess my love for him; but I'm not doing that. It doesn't feel right. He takes a deep breath beside me and places his cup on the coffee table in front of us. 

"You know what I said last night?"

"When?" I remain staring ahead, unwilling to look into the vortex that is his eyes, because I know that once I make eye contact with him, he'll have total control over me. Just like last night; just like when we first went out, just like when we were married - once he looked at me, he knew I would do anything for him, even if I didn't want to. 

"When I told you I wanted you back..?" he scoots closer to me and places his hand on my knee. He doesn't do that out of comfort, only Kimberley does that. Ashley does it before he manipulates me. I let him do it anyway. "Just don't look into his eyes. That's all you have to do. Don't. Look. Into. His eyes."  I tell myself.

"Chez, look at me." Sh!t. Now what? I glance at him. His eyes are welling up and I feel pain running through his veins. His hand suddenly feels like it's on my knee out of comfort and he wants comfort. He needs comfort. I turn my body inwards and face him more directly. 

"Ashley, stop it." I place my hand on his arm. He exhales heavily.

"Just tell me now. Do you want me back or not, because I don't know how much more of this I can take."

My eyes move towards the fireplace and then to the patio doors and then to my lap and then finally back to his face. He's chewing the inside of his mouth, almost shaking with nerves.

My voice cracks and struggles to make any kind of sound. Then my phone goes off.

"For f*cks sake!" He shouts, throwing my phone at my chest, and slouching into the couch like a child.

It's Kimberley. Sh!t. I never texted her back, and it's almost half past two. I'm expecting to hear her yelling. I hate doing this to her. I feel guilty. My heart feels heavy and it feels like it's sinking deeper into a pit in my stomach. It's my fault she has to act like my mam.

"H...hi." My voice stutters.

"Babe! hey! Where are you? Are you at home? Where's Ash?" She is surprisingly cheerful. I can hear the background noise of a car. Panic surges through my body as I start to think she's on her way over here. She'll find me wearing only a shirt with no bra, and Ashley wearing boxers and a wrinkled shirt with a scruffy face. Sh!t. I better deter her.

"He's still here."

She pauses on the other end. "Why is he still there?" Her voice transitions to worry.

"He's tired. Kimberley what do you want?" I snap, closing my eyes in frustration and pinching the bridge of my nose. I sense the urgency being emitted from Ashley. He wants an answer to his original question, and he's sick of interruptions.

"I was just wondering if you wanted to go for something to eat, but I'll hang on to your car for another while then." She cautiously answers. I can hear the car slowing down over the phone. She must be turning around.

"I'm sorry Kimberley. I'll call you later." I slowly hang up and place the phone on the table. I exhale loudly.

"Ashley I'm sorry."

He looks up at me. He's in a mood now. I feel even guiltier. 

"Yeah, it's ok Chez. Can I call Matt or summin'?" 

He reaches for my phone, but the thought of him leaving again hurts me everywhere. I grab his wrist as his hand grips my phone. His eyes create a sneaky sparkle and the left side of his mouth curls into a playful smirk. My mouth opens to say the words "Please don't leave yet." But the only sound I make is "please." I've looked into his eyes and the sparkle in his has prompted fireworks in my head. Right on queue.

He's got me again. I'm in his control. Now he's kissing my neck and whispering my name, but all I wanted was for him not to leave. I just wanted him to stay here and for life to be like when we were married. He's moving his hands down now, but I can't do anything to stop him. I don't want this, but I crave his touch and his affection. I'm lying to Kimberley. I'm lying to myself. I am doing nothing to stop this. I just let him love me the way he wants to. This is what I need, isn't it? I'm not lying to myself. I want him. I need him. This is how love feels. I stare at the ceiling as he f*cks me; only closing them when we both moan in unison.