Judgmental Morons

22. Not-So-Romantic Discussions

A car whizzed by as I leaned against my bike, hands stuffed in the pockets of my hoodie and eyes trained on the Richards' residence. I had to talk to Alex, away from prying eyes and unwanted attention. Even though I had told the girls the details of that night and confessed that I might be in deep romantic shit (Michelle cried for a whole minute), I wanted this to be private, just between Alex and me. Unfortunately, I'd tried calling and texting him over the weekend, only to be ignored.

I'm sure I'm not that bad at kissing.

Despite the jokes, I was starting to get a bit worried. I stayed awake that whole night, trying to convince myself that the kiss meant nothing. It couldn't mean anything. But my hormones seemed determined to make me feel otherwise. So here I was, waiting for Alex to come out and give me a fucking explanation.

The door swung open and I heard his mom yell, "Remember to get some milk on your way home!"

"I will!" he hollered back in his groggy morning voice. It was kind of adorable how he did all these little chores for his mom. Uncle Tom never managed to get me to do anything without bribing me with pizza.

Oh my God, since when do I use the word adorable?

It took him a few seconds to notice me, but when he did, his face became shadowy. His already sad eyes looked downright pained. He looked around furtively, as if trying to find a way to disappear without having to confront me.

"Yeah, I can see you. No point in running," I called out to him. I could feel anger starting to bubble in my stomach, and this was not the usual why-is-he-such-a-dipshit thing. This kind of anger I hadn't felt in a long, long while.

He sighed and walked up to me warily.

"If that was supposed to be some kind of a one-time thing, I'm fine with it," I snapped at him, although I was very fucking far from fine. He blanched, before taking a deep breath.

"Really?" he whispered, and for one beautiful and terrifying moment I was convinced he would be kissing me again. I hated having someone fuck with my emotions, and from everything I've shared with him, he should know this by now.

"Well then, it was."

I was too distracted by his cologne, so the sentence took some time to sink in.

"What...what do you mean?"

"You want it to have been a one-time thing, right? Then it was. I knew it was a long shot, and I knew it was hopeless, but as you've always been kind enough to point out, I'm a dumb little shit, so I went for it. I had to go for it. I couldn't ignore the stupid fucking jitters I keep getting around you. What kind of a guy gets jitters?"

He paused and glared at me, as if expecting an answer. But I was still stuck on the fact that he'd cursed, so he went on.

"And then you were standing there in all your beautiful glory and I couldn't stop myself, even though you always tell me you hate me, and even though you admitted to Terri that you don't like me like that, and even though I know we'd be a fucking mess, I had to kiss you."

"In all my beautiful glory?" I asked quite breathlessly. All my anger seemed to have dissipated and been replaced by giddiness. Goddamn these chemicals moving between us, turning me into a hot, teenage mess.

"And now you storm up to me and start telling me it was a one-time thing!"

"Well, yeah, because the last, and only, thing you said to me afterwards was 'Oh so deeply and truly sorry' and then started ignoring me altogether! Have you looked into a mirror lately? You look like someone has died! Excuse me for thinking that you were having regrets about everything that happened that night and just wanted to forget it!"