Finding Sawyer

Chapter 07 | No Hablo Inglés

Chapter 07 | No Hablo Inglés 

"Are you alright?" Connor randomly asks and I fight the urge to fling myself out of my window. I already know where this is going.

"Yeah," I nod, looking up from my phone and over at him with a smile.

"Really though?" He presses, giving me a look of incredulity. "For, like, the last couple of days or so, you've been a little different."

"Different how, Connor?" I ask, trying not to sound as annoyed as I am.

"I don't know," Connor shrugs, sitting down at the foot of my bed and starting to unbutton his shirt. "Like, just different, I guess."

"I'm on my period," I tell him with a shrug. "Maybe that's it," I suggest.

"Okay," He scoffs, pulling off his shirt once it's unbuttoned and putting it in his overnight bag. "It's fine, you don't have to tell me."

"But I just told you — my uterus hurts," I say and then chuckle at the uncomfortable look on his face. "But everything else is great."

"You are really bad at lying," Connor murmurs and he sounds so annoyed, but I don't know why, because there is no reason for that.

"Connor," I sigh. "I'm not lying to you," I assure him, sitting up in my bed and crossing my middle and index fingers behind my back.

Childish, I know, and so not an appropriate thing for a person my age to be doing, but I don't care. It makes me feel less bad about lying.

"Okay," He sighs and it's so obvious that he doesn't actually believe me, but doesn't want to start anything. "You'd tell me though, right?"

"If something was wrong, I promise you I would tell you," I confirm with a nod. "In fact, you would be the first person I told, I think," I add.

That's a huge lie, of course, but it's late and I don't really feel like getting into it with Connor right now. Or ever, really. I can't deny the fact that he's right. I have been acting a little differently the past few days and it has nothing to do with Mother Nature. It does, however, have everything to do with the guy who seems to be involved in nearly all of the recent hardships in my life — Graham.

Today is June 14, which means that it's been two whole days since Graham and I had our big talk in the park, so obviously I'm still all messed up from that whole ordeal. I haven't spoken to him since then either, which makes me feel even more awkward about everything that happened on Tuesday. I mean, we did decide to give the friend thing a go, but neither of us has tried reaching out.

I'm still surprised that he even agreed to it though, being my friend, because he specifically told me that he didn't want to — well couldn't — be my friend before he came home to Massachusetts. So, I don't know what made him change his mind, but I'm glad that he did. Even though I know that the chances of us ever fixing things are slim, it's nice that I'll still get to have him in my life, even if it's as just a friend.

Anyway though, I still haven't told Connor about our talk, which sounds so incredibly bad, I know, but what was I supposed to say to him?

Hey, just thought that I would let you know that Graham was planning on proposing to me last year. I don't want to break up though because I love you too and because I don't want to be alone anymore, which I totally would be, because it's not like Graham and I can just get back together. I mean, he's having a baby for crying out loud. So, yeah, you're great and I love you a lot, but if I could be with Graham, I would.

Obviously I can't say that to him — it would destroy him and that's the last thing I want. According to Satan (that's my new nickname for Sienna), I already ruined Graham; I'd hate to ruin another boy.