Careless (Cas X Reader)

Chapter 6

You had watched Castiel's emotions go from worried, to angry, to one you couldn't name, but the emotion on his face now flooded you with guilt and shame. Because disappointment showed clearly on his face, and you knew it was directed entirely at you.

Not wanting to hear the excuses, or fake reasons that he would end up coming up with, you tried to make you way into the bathroom. You hoped that by the time you were done with a shower, you would have your mask back in place, and Cas would have forgotten what you had just accidentally said.

"Y/N, wait!" Cas said loudly from behind you, but you ignored it, and continued moving towards the bathroom, keeping your eye on the only escape you could think of.

Knowing you screwed something else up was a tough pill to swallow. It seemed like that was the only thing you could do well, messing things up, and getting people hurt or killed. Just remembering all your previous mistakes, along with your new ones caused tears to well up in your eyes. Instead of wiping them away, you quickened your steps, knowing you were only one or two steps away from your haven, the bathroom.

With your vision clouded by tears, you hadn't noticed that Cas had transported himself, and was now standing directly in front of the bathroom, blocking your entrance. You ran right into him, your head bumping into his strong chest. Before you could move, Cas wrapped his arms around you, effectively trapping you in his embrace.

A part of you wanted to snuggle in, to let Cas take your mind off of everything, but you knew it would only be a temporary fix, and you didn't want to act weak in front of him. So you stepped back, automatically missing the warmth and comfort his embrace had offered. Instead you wrapped your arms around yourself, and looked up at Cas, a broken look on your face.

The look on your face must have been desperate enough, because Cas sighed before wrapping his arm around your shoulders and guiding you back onto the bed. He gently pressed you down, until you were sitting on the edge of the bed, then he joined you.

"Y/N, do you know how much it breaks my heart to hear you talk like this? How sad it makes me feel that you feel this way about yourself?" Cas said, his words quiet and gentle.

Sighing, you knew there was no way you could get out of this conversation. "Cas, but why? Why do you care? Nobody's cared before, and if they've come close, they get hurt. Thats why I need to leave, you almost got hurt, and I can't have that!"

Cas grabbed your hand, turning it so your palm fit perfectly with his. "That can't be true, you've been with Sam and Dean for awhile now, and they are okay. I know they care for you."

Tears were streaming down your face now, and even though you couldn't stop them, you still felt weak because they were falling. "True, but it's been close lately. But I don't care for them like I care for you. And that's why I should go. I can't stand to know that you will get hurt, or killed, because of me."

Cas glanced from your joined hands to your eyes, surprised at your words. "You care for me more than the Winchesters? What does that mean?"

You smiled weakly at Cas and his social ineptitude. "It means I really like you Cas, maybe even love you."

Cas stood up then, dropping your hand in the process. You watched as he ran his hands through his hair, and paced in front of you. It made you nervous, you rarely let your emotions show, because it usually bit you in the butt, and you were pretty sure that's what was happening right now.

Finally, Cas stopped pacing, and turned to face you. "Really, you really like me? And we aren't talking about as friends, but maybe something more?"

"Yes, but it's okay if you don't feel the same, I understand. " You stuttered, trying to protect your already battered heart.

Cas smiled, a brilliant, toothy grin. "I think I might love you too. I've had these weird feelings for a while, but was unsure what they meant. Whenever I saw you, my heart beat fast, and when you almost died, I had never felt such agony. Is this love?"

Smiling, you nodded. "Sounds pretty close to it. But what do I know, I never let anyone get close enough for love."

Cas frowned, then moved and knelt down in front of you, taking both of your hands in his. "Well you have now. I will be there to help you, to make you see how loved you truly are, and how amazing you are. All I ask is you help me with these emotions that I'm not used to."

"But, what if I get you hurt, or..." You started to say, but Cas hushed you. "We will go slowly, get you used to relying on other people. And don't worry, I'm am angel, it takes a lot to hurt me."

Thankful for Cas, and his wonderful, generous heart, you surprised him by throwing your arms around his neck, tucking your head under his. For a moment he sat there stunned, but then he got the hint, and wrapped his arms around you. Leaning back, you lightly kissed him on the lips. "I just want to warn you, it won't be easy, I don't think I can overcome all these negative feelings over night. There will be some dark days, and I'm sorry for that." You whispered, wanting him to understand what he was getting into.

"Y/N, we all have demons that we are fighting, and we all have bad days. But having someone there for you, to guide you through those days, is special. And I hope you will be open, and let me help you, as I hope I can be open and accept your help."

You nodded, amazed that you had found this wonderful, accepting Angel.

Just then the door opened, and Sm and Dean walked in, their arms full of all your favorite foods.

"The princess is finally awake!" Dean said when he saw you sitting up. He dropped the food and came over to you. "How are you feeling? You had us worried."

"A lot better." You said, smiling at Cas, and you knew that you truly meant it. The road would still be tough, but at least you finally realized you weren't truly alone.