Mystery Girl(Jai Brooks Fanfic)

Mystery Girl 11 <Boost Of Confidence>

Chapter 11

Skylar's P.O.V

*Opens Diary*

Last night Jai had told me he loved me, I said it back. I began to worry again about the word ' love '.

What if I didnt mean it, but only said it because he said it? Then he's going to think it's okay to say it now. I don't want him to say it out of habit, but to at least mean it. Most people don't mean it which is why I hate ' I love you's ' ugh I tried to snap out of my thoughts of thinking about that.

I had 12 miss calls from Jai, but I could just say I was still asleep besides it's only 8:30am and I don't got school so I'm good, although it's not nice that I'm ignoring my boyfriends calls. Especially after last night when we said 143 to each other oh my lord , I seriously need to stop thinking about this.

* Play Music *

I was home with Alonzo, he was about to head out for school because he actually trusts me while my dad on the other hand is still having trouble for my suicidal attempt. I sighed, because I began to think of my mother about how she'd probably quit her job because I attempted suicide. At that moment I began wishing I was normal, and didn't have a mind that makes death the first option, I wish some people wouldn't automatically think someone is crazy because suicide attemps, or self harm.

To be honest some people who self harm, or attempt suicied arent crazy.

If your one who believe people who do those things are crazy well you seriously do not understand how much hate that person has for themselves because other people or a situation that happen while they were there, and they thought they could've done something to prevent the situation but didn't.

Kinda like my mom and I. I blame myself for her death, because well I was the one who she was frusterated with and maybe if I was normal and didn't hate myself so much to the point where I have to dig a razor into my skin and drag it across maybe she wouldn't worry much. I wish I could start over, and react to getting treated so wrong at school, and other places differently.

But thats the thing. I was weird, I was quiet, I was different.

I was a mystery girl.

If people only knew I was shy, and I was scared I wasn't likable , so I stayed to myself until people started bullying me. Telling me I'm weird, and more things. I hated those years it went on for so long, than in 4th grade I was told for the first time to kill myself.

I didnt think anything of it the first time, but then more , and more people started saying it.

They say "stop being so dramatic! It's no big deal." They've turned 'Kill Yourself' into a joke. And act like suicide's not real. But it becomes real when you hear a knock on your door... The person who has been your best friend/ girlfriend ' boyfriend/ daughter ' son etc with simply is no more.

The note she /  he left behind is cover in questions starting with " why " as in everyone was laughing. When all I wanted to do was cry. And how could a joke be funny when it hurts the people who hear it ? I try to raise my voice and ask but they say "have a little more spirit" .

I can't sit by and let more kids get told to take their lives. People think there making an innocent joke.. But people are the ones handing them the knives.

Actually writing down all this makes me more confident because I am different but that isn't a bad thing. I am a much better person, and Im'm so glad I am not like these mean, cruel, cold hearted people.

It isnt that bad being different from everyone else, soon hopefully I could love myself, and maybe see myself differently. Instead of seeing myself as a monster because I am covered in sca- battle wounds.

I am not a victim, but a fighter.

I will try to continue being positive about myself, that way I could help myself and stop myself from cutting myself, and wanting to commit suicide.

*Closes Diary*

A/N

Hopefully You Liked It, Jai will have journal enteries as well for he is the one who will be telling the story now. Thank You Keep Reading!

xoxo Amaya Brooks