The Truth About Trinity

Chapter Two

I got most of my orders done before I made my way back to Eli.  "Hungry?"

"Yeah a little I guess." He answered not even looking up from his book.

"Watcha readin?" I rocked on my heels as I put a few cookies on a plate down.

"It's called The Other Side of The Door.  A murder mystery." He informed me taking a bite of his cookie.

"Do you like it?" I asked.  My fingers twitched.

"Could have used more powdered sugar on top but it's okay."

"I meant the book."  My wrists were aching.

"Oh, well I don't know.  The girl made so many mistakes.  Like when the supposed killer came to her house and she-" Eli's eyes were sparkling.

"Hold that thought.  That man needs his order taken then I have to go to the bathroom." I got up so suddenly he accidentally spilled over the milk I gave him with his cookies.

Another waitress glared and came to clean it up.

I hurried to take the order then sighed in relief when I made it to the bathroom.  I quickly opened my backpack and reached for the pocketknife I took from Eli.

I opened it and closed my eyes. 

I drew the blade across my hand so fast that it was jagged.  The blood instantly began to well up and rush down dripping steadily into the toilet.  The color turned pink and swirled as I flushed repeatedly.

I closed my hand into a fist and let out a gasp as the pain was as familiar as it was sharp.  I went to the sink and washed my hands with soap.  I cried out at the sting. The knife was in my back pocket so I washed that too.  I paused a bit when I heard a noise over the faucet.  I shut it off and glanced around with my head cocked to the side.

The door opening sent a jolt of fear through me.  The manager poked her head in. "Hey your break is almost ov-what the heck?  What happened?"

"I- I cut myself dicing the um, ah, stuff."  I panicked.

"Oh really?"Miriam stepped in with a frown on her face.  "Because last I checked, we sold coffee and cookies."

I started to cry.  I felt humiliated that I got caught twice today.  "It's really not my fault!  I just can't help it!"

Miriam stepped in and awkwardly put her arms around carefully avoiding my clenched hand.  "Tell me honey."

I broke down at the soft voice.  "I cut myself!  I don't care what people think.  It feels good.  I mean it hurts but the hurt feels good.  I mean-"

"Just let it out."

I wanted to,  I really did.  But it wasn't fair for me to put all of this on an almost stranger.  I hardly knew Miriam and I wasn't about to tell her why I cut myself.  So Instead I shook my head and walked out.

I went to Eli's table and grabbed his arm.  "Time to go."

"Already?" He quickly gathered his stuff and we left.

As I shut the door I heard Miriam call out, "Trinity!  If you leave don't ever plan coming back!"

I hesitated then ripped off the apron throwing it on the ground.  I couldn't risk my secret being exposed.  "Sorry but I think it's best if just stop now."  at least that's what I wanted to say.

Instead I looked at Eli his eyes full of questioning.  His face full of innocence.  I thought of mom and how my mere paycheck was helping pay bills and for school stuff besides the small child support we were receiving from dad.  I sighed and told Eli to go wait in the car.

"Miriam please, let me off. I need to get some stuff sorted out." That made absolutely no sense but she finally agreed to allow me to 'find my inner self' with the rest of the week off.

Eli and i spent the day job hunting.  We circled ads in the paper for babysitters, lawn mowers, leaf rakers, and any other odd jobs needed to be done.  He helped me complete some that I signed up for last week.  All totaled I made about $175 for that day.  I gave Eli $25 for whatever.  $50 would go towards clothes and the lat $100 would be for bills that I hoped would finally be enough.

When we got home and after taking a short cold shower, I lay in bed softly singing.  Eli and I shared a room and he loved it when I sang to the two of us.

There's two things I know for sure

She was sent here from heaven

And she's daddy's little girl

As I drop to my knees by her bed at night

She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes

And I thank God for all of the joy in my life

Oh but most of all

For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer

Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair

Walk beside the pony daddy it's my first ride

I know the cake looks funny daddy but I sure tried

Oh with all that I've done wrong

I must have done something right

To deserve a hug every mornin'

And butterfly kisses at night

Sweet 16 today

She's lookin' like her mama a little more every day

One part woman the other part girl

To perfume and make up from ribbons and curls

Trying her wings out in a great big world

But I remember

Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer

Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair

You know how much I love you daddy

But if you don't mind

I'm only gonna kiss you on the check this time

Oh with all that I've done wrong

I must have done something right

To deserve her love every mornin'

And butterfly kisses at night

All the precious time

Like the wind the years go by

Precious butterfly

Spread your wings and fly

She'll change her name today

She'll make a promise and I'll give her aways

Standing in the bride room just staring at her

She asked me what I'm thinkin'

And I said I'm not sure

I just feel like I'm loosin' my baby girl

And she leaned over

Gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there

Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair

Walk me down the isle daddy

It's just about time

Does my wedding gown look pretty daddy?

Daddy's don't cry

Oh with all that I've done wrong

I must have done something right

To deserve her love every mornin'

And butterfly kisses

I couldn't ask God for more than this is what love is

I know I've got to let her go but I'll always remember

Every hug in the mornin' and butterfly kisses

I fell asleep to my own voice singing to Bob Carlisle.