Smile On His Lips and Cuts On His Hips (Jalex)

Twenty Eight - Falling In Love

My attention had been lapsing recently, capability to distinctly focus on anything diminishing with every mind numbing assignment I bored through. Affected by this, my science homework was resting carelessly next to me, open textbook still propped up against my raised knees even though I hadn’t turned the page or paid it any consideration in nearly an hour.

The light was shrinking from my walls, sun slinking out of the sky beyond my propped open window. Uncharacteristically mild weather was sweeping in, snow slowly melting and coating the sidewalks slippery outside. My room had seemed small and artificial when I’d clicked the door closed, unnatural yellow bulbs distorting the colors and shapes when I turned them on. This led me to leave off the lights and shove up the glass separating me from the still frosted air, curtains fastened open and wavering sun providing illumination.

Its eventual setting had me squinting at my textbook, dulled sunlight barley allowing me to make out the words, even with my glasses secure on my stupidly big nose. Naturally, I’d given up, letting the work fall away unfinished and shifting my gaze to the ceiling, eyes narrowing at the fading white.

I was splayed out on my bed, bare arms tingling as the breeze bit at them. I’d been beginning to think that Alex may be onto something with the whole constantly refusing to be logically warm thing. It was uncomfortable, sure, and my bones instinctively ached to cross and preserve the warmth being stolen from my skin, but, obviously, unnatural pleasures are often the most enjoyable. Pain and discomfort, as I’d found, contrary to what as thesaurus may say, were not synonyms for annoyances. Blades and cold pinching at my flesh tortured my body and soothed my mind. You’d think body and brain would work in unison and prefer to mutually benefit each other, but my head seemed to be irreparably fucked up, and had turned traitor on its counterpart.

Everybody does it all for different reasons, though. Alex had explained that he was always purposefully chilly because the sensation made him feel something, and anything was better than nothing. I liked it, plain and simple.

Although I wouldn’t quite mind if my boyfriend happened to be with me, perhaps laying with his stomach on my mattress in that position that I couldn’t figure out how he found enjoyable – but, knowing Alex, maybe the unpleasantness was the point – or settled in my arms, legs tangled through my messy comforter and heated skin contact flattening out his ever present goose bumps. My disturbed sense of humor and I found it somewhat funny that I was happily laying with winter air pricking my arms but would argue endlessly with Alex until he was safe and warm. It had yet to cease to fascinate me, the extent of people’s pure hypocrisy.

I had the next best thing, at least, my phone buzzing and vibrating on the bed next to me, screen projecting onto my dark walls. Rolling over to my side, my legs curled in, science book finally startling off of them as I grabbed the phone, reading Alex’s latest text. I had to scroll back through our exchanged messages to remember what we’d been talking about, focus having wandered carelessly away from the conversation after sending off my last words. Apparently, we’d been discussing the striking similarity between the titles ‘therapist’ and ‘the rapist’ as well as picking apart the supposed coincidences implications.

Laughing at our mutual idiocy, I wondered what on earth had me falling for this boy as I stretched onto my back again, legs straightening stiffly and arms hitting the plaster behind my head as my spine arched. Quiet groan concealed by the bone’s crack, my muscles relaxed again, yawn slipping through the quiet of my room while I started overanalyzing a different set of odd words.

Why do people fall in love? That phrasing isn’t applied to any other emotion or feeling. Nobody ever falls in hate or happiness or sadness. So who decided that that curious verb accurately described the route to completely experiencing love?