Devon's house looks like a Gingerbread House. A tall one with a pointy green roof. I have a great urge to run up and lick it to see if it truly is a Gingerbread House. I feel as though Devon would find that strange and I don't want to ruin our blossoming friendship so I refrain.
"Here we are," Devon says proudly. I lick my lips. I wonder if his house is filled with candy. What if there is a witch inside? What is she wants to cook me? WIll she cook me with the candy? Will I become a sweetend boiled Gweda? WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO ME? "Home sweet home," says Devon. He said sweet. It is definetly a candy house.
Devon opens the door and waves me inside. I look around and my jaw drops. I close it back up remembering the flies. "Big house," I comment turning to Devon and slapping him on the back as if to congratulate him. "So, why am I here?" I add as an afterthought.
"Oh right! Well I have some things I wanted to show you," He grins mischeviously, grabbing my hand and dragging me towards the kitchen. A big island stands in the middle. I absolutely love islands. They just add so much character to the home, so much warmth to the kitchen. I tell this to Devon, and to my utter surprise, he slaps me.
"I'm so sorry!" I gasp, my face stinging as I stumble backwards into the kitchen counter. "That was out of line for a shrub to say." Devon advances towards me, his eyes glinting evilly. I start to panic. "CELESTIAL WHALE IN THE SKY!" I shriek, waving my arms like an excited t-rex, "SAAAAVVEEEE MEEEEE!"
"Urrrrrr," moans the celestial whale, "urrrr nooo kbye."
"RATS!" I yell as Devon begins to fumble around in a kitchen drawer looking extremely evil. I can't believe that I trusted him! He produces an egg beater and I break out in a sweat. Oh no. Not an egg beater.
"Say hello to my little friend," he grins, pressing a button on the side of the beater.
"Herro," I wave and smile, relaxing. Devon isn't evil after all. He just wanted to introduce me to his egg beater. Then it begins to sprout eyes. And arms. And legs. "Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit," I breathe. I mean this literally, but Devon makes no move to butter my butt, nor does he call me a biscuit. What a shame.
Devon sets the egg beater down on the floor and it scuttles towards me. "Hai lil dude," I say, remembering to be cool all of a sudden, "#yoloswag!" I put my hand out for the egg beater, and to my surprise it bites me. "OWWWWW!" I screach, examining the small incision on my pointer finger. "Bad boy," I say pointing at the egg beater, who looks like it couldn't care less. I hear some robotic beeps from behind me and begin to dance. I am excellent at the limbo and the rabbit dance. So therefore I hold my hand above my head and hop beneath it.
"Turn around, sugarplum," sneers Devon from behind me.
"LOLWUTWHY?" I ask, still limboing. "Hoppity hop," I sing to myself.
"TURN AROUND!" bellows Devon.
"Kk chill bro." I turn. And there is an arm of kitchen appliance robots assembled on the floor. "Whoa dere." There are knives with millions of legs. There are wooden spoons with fangs and flying forks with evil eyes. There are pots and pans waddling around on stumpy legs. They have horns. And then, horror of horrors, I see a cheese grater with red eyes. "Meep," I whimper softly. This will be the day that I die.
"Teehee," giggles Devon, blushing. "Prepare to dieeeee.'
"NOOOOO. CELESTIAL WHALLLLEEEE HELPPP MEEHHHH." I moan this.
"UURRRR NOOOO. SWAGG IN DA HIZZLE."
"DAMMIT, CELESTIAL WHALE!" I stomp my foot and accidentally crush the egg beater robot which means that I have failed as a person. This seems to make all of the other robots very mad. They come rushing towards me in a big wave of beeping and clicking.
I don't even have time to do my rabbit limbo dance.
