Audiotapes - Lilourry AU

8. Past or Present?

A/N: SO, y'all have to figure out if this chapter already happened or if it is in real time... the next chapter will be the last chapter before the first epilogue...

some slight sexual content...

He sighed as he woke up in the early morning, he didn't want to move from where he was sleeping. The figure next to him stirred slightly before pushing themselves more into his side. The hot breath was making him shiver slightly, but he tried to wiggle his way out of his grasp, but apart of him didn't want to move.

He looked to the clock and noticed that it was half past three, he had to be up in a few hours, but right now he didn't even want to. He wanted to stay in bed, stay in bed for the rest of his life if it meant that he could sleep next to him.

The anxious boy wiggled out of the grasp, he got up off the bed and he decided to wander to the backyard to look at the sky. He never really did this, but recently he's come to realize that he needed hope, hope that he could get through the tough times and not regret some of his decisions.

He found a place on the grass to look up at the sky, he laid down carefully and sprawled himself out. He made shapes with each of the constellations that he could identify himself, while just making up things in his head when he got frustrated with himself when he couldn't figure out the others. As the boy was looking up at the stars he didn't hear the footsteps of the other boy come outside to sit next to him.

"You alright?" The figure asked, still evidently sleepy from his voice, carding his fingers into boy's hair.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just couldn't sleep and you're like a space heater so I was over heating."

"Sorry.."

"You don't need to apologize for that, love. Not your fault."

"That's not what I was apologizing for..." He trailed off, hoping the boy laying on the grass would get the picture.

Just as the boy was thinking, the past couple hours flashed through his mind, and it broke him into pieces.

The only sounds that were heard were the heavy breathing from both boys as they rutted against each other. Their clothes were off and they were grinding against each other trying to get their release.

"Fuck, feels so good." The boy on top of the other spoke in a loud whisper as he arched his back----

"Fuck you," The boy cried as he ran into the house and locked himself into the bathroom. He started to cry hysterically and he didn't know how he would be able to calm himself down. "Why was he sorry?" He thought, what did he do wrong? Did he not like him like he did?

Or was it all a mistake?

The crying boy searched the bathroom and sighed when he found a razor. He got the blades out of the razor quickly, he was about to start cutting his wrists when there was a frantic knock.

"Louis, please don't. I didn't mean it the way you think." Louis stopped and figured he let Harry listen to his explanation. "I just meant I'm sorry because I felt like I was taking advantage of you. I don't want you to think that I'm that type of person." Harry laid his head on the door, "Please, open the door so we can talk. Don't hurt yourself, please?"

Louis took a shaky breath and he left the razors on the floor and opened the door. Harry gave him a slight smiled before he led him into the bedroom.

"Louis, you know I love you and that I'd do anything for you. But, what happened tonight, I felt like it was only a one time thing. It's nothing against you, I just feel like I'd rather have you as my best friend in the whole world, rather than my boyfriend. It doesn't mean that I don't like you, I'm just trying to sort myself out with everything and I don't want to hurt you. I know I shouldn't have initiated what happened with what you have been going through, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I can do to make it better."

Louis sighed and looked up at Harry with glassy eyes, "You love me?"

Harry nodded, "I've always loved you, Louis."

"But, not the way that I love you?"

Harry let out a breath, "Right now I really don't know what I'm feeling to be honest, but I do know what happened tonight was really good. Don't think that you did something wrong, okay?"

Louis tried to get that thought out of his head, but he couldn't, he did however still nodded his head to Harry. "It's alright, can we just go back to sleep? We still have school in the morning," Louis spoke as he let out a loud yawn, making part of what he said a bit incoherent.

Harry nodded, he kissed Louis' forehead, laid down on the bed and opened up his arms for Louis. Louis accepted his embrace and fell asleep instantly.

If only Harry knew how much it broke Louis that the smaller boy was just aching to do something to relieve the pain. But, he didn't want to leave Harry's embrace, even if he was dead.