One Hundred Short Stories

7. An Unconventional Story

I am not going to begin this tale in the conventional way, that is, “Once upon a time”, or, “Long ago, in a land far, far away …” The reason for this is that firstly this is no conventional tale, and secondly, it did not occur all that long ago, or that far away. And as for once upon a time, the times we live in are already dreadfully tired from so much being loaded upon them.

  No, I think there is no possibility to conduct a good story with those words. So instead, this will be how it begins:

  ‘He was very tall and he was wearing sunglasses.’

  This is a story, as you may have gathered, that is from a young child’s perspective. It is the popular thing, at the moment, to make young children in stories incredibly insightful, but not very knowledgeable.

  As this is neither original nor true, in my experiences at least, I assure you that this tale will exclude that aspect. This story, I have decided, will be completely original – no once upon a time or insightful young children.

  So this is how the story will continue:

  ‘ “Where are your parents?” he said. I pointed to where they were. He walked away.’

  Here the child’s character is carried through as being stupid, ignorant, and generally, like most children are.

  It would perhaps be deemed “appropriate” by those writers who set the conventions I am so determined to escape from, to make the man whose actions begin the tale rather significant in the plot. Certainly, they might argue, making him very tall would perhaps symbolically represent importance in the story.

  However, I am fortunately one of those writers, and this is no conventional story. I assure you, dear Reader, that in this story you will find no once upon a time, insightful young children, abnormally tall important men or symbolic meaning, all of which has been dreadfully overdone.

  So, continuing with the tale.

  ‘I got some chips from the table. Lara told me to go get some napkins from the kitchen, but I ignored her.’

  A conclusion the average audience would jump to here would perhaps be that “Lara” is related to the main character – probably their mother or older sister if she is telling them what to do. But if I, as the author, allowed this, I would be falling into the typical conventions of story writing which I certainly do not intend to do. Lara is not the main character’s mother or sister; in fact she is not related to the main character at all. Truthfully, Lara and the main character hardly know each other.

  You see how I am stressfully making this story as original as possible, Reader. You must appreciate that. I have put in every effort so there will be no once upon a time, insightful young children, abnormally tall important men, symbolic meaning or bossy female relatives.

  Now, perhaps, is an appropriate time to introduce the main character’s name into the story.

  ‘ “Michael,” she growled.’

  Now I see another place where an assumption must be made; that this “Michael” is a boy. But this is not the case, and I will tell you why now to avoid confusion and conventions. Michael’s mother went into labour in the early hours of the morning, and in all the confusion of getting her to hospital, someone forgot her glasses. When the child was born, she thought it was a boy, despite the nurses insisting the opposite, and was firm in her resolution of the name Michael.

  In the story, there will be NO conventions; no once upon a time, insightful young children, abnormally tall men, symbolic meaning, bossy female relatives or boys named Michael.

  ‘I didn’t turn around. Lara is the bossiest person in the world, even though she is only seven and I am taller than her.’

  You may think here that Michael who is a girl not a boy is older than Lara because she says “only seven” and she is taller than her, but no, that is not the case, because that would be falling into conventions and that I will never do, for this story will have NO once upon a time, NO insightful young children, NO abnormally tall important men, NO symbolic meanings, NO bossy female relatives, NO boys names Michael and NO determination of age based on height and status!

  For this … dear Reader – is an unconventional story.