Endless || HS ✔️

Chapter 21

This was my letter. My letter that I wrote to Harry yesterday. I read it out loud.

Dear Harry,

I just wanted to apologize. I got your letter, I did, but I was too late. I overslept, which is fucking ridiculous and I wasn't there in time to tell you everything. You were already gone.

Yesterday was my graduation. It went okay, but Louis was there. He told me what's been going on with the boys from you. Harry, I know what's going on. I know what happened at your house when you went back to London after New Years. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry for that I'm putting you through hell. I understand how it feels to have your heart broken and somebody not being there for you, when you desperately need them. It's happened so many times to me.

I wrote you all these letters a while ago, but didn't have the guts to send them to you. I can't stand them too. So, I'm kind of putting them into one piece.

I need you to understand something about me. What you must understand about me is that I am a deeply unhappy person and I have been ever since you walked out of my life. It's been absolutely terrible. You fucking made me leave. You were so busy trying to be my Savior, that you left me alone.

You can't just make me different, and then leave. Because I think I was fine before, Harry. I was just fine with me and last words and independence, and you can't just make me different and then just disappear.

Everything that was piecing together falls apart. And that's how I see things: everything that comes together, came apart. I think when I stop twitching for you to see me, the hurt stopped, but that didn't happen. When I stopped wishing things wouldn't fall apart, I stopped suffering when they did I wish that happen, but then I couldn't stop wishing. I needed to see you.

You know, when I first met you, I didn't really want to speak to you. I didn't want this Kerli - headed boy to be a bump in my road, but you were more tonight. Funny how the brain does things like that. Your whole world is getting sucked up and toss around the best thing you can do is fix it on something small and unexpected. You.

The strange and tragic thing was, when I live completely and you weren't there, everything fucking changed. You think that holding someone hard will bring them closer. You think that you can hold them so hard that you'll still feel them, and embossed on you, when you pull away. That's the truth but disappeared every second you want here. It strange to describe.

I think maybe some people are just meant to be in the same story. Me and you. We were put together in a story, and in some fucked up way, and had to find our ways with each other. It's quite amazing, actually.

It was crazy how I always thought about you, good thoughts, of course, after we became friends. All I thought was, " I can't let him break down my walls," but you did. You were the kind of man who walks into a room and all the walls fall down. You are, and mine fell down immediately.

I knew what you were thinking when you befriended me. You thought I was lonely thank you use friends, but also think this is how your brains out or worked when you met me you had to get to know me because I wouldn't open up to you, & I think you are used to that shit.

No person can resist another person who has tidal waves and earthquakes beneath the skin. It's impossible.

This is what I want, Harry. I want to grab your hand and run free time, losing years like cats falling from our shoulders. Together. In my sim cliche, but that's the truth. But, sometimes our dreams don't go our ways. Life doesn't go our own ways at times. Life is one big, fat, gigantic, stinking mess, but that's the beauty of it all.

Harry, I'm sorry for all this shit I have caused. I I know there has been a lot of drama and mistakes, but life is full of mistakes... Just not our own risky mistakes.

Here's the truth about me, will something you need to know. I am broken. I fell in love years ago, but then things happened. I was broken. I was missing some of my pieces. Myself. I was missing myself and who I was. I can't regain them back. I don't think you're missing pieces ever fit inside you again once they go missing.

There were and are so many things that demand to be said you asked. Where did you go? Do you ever think about me? You were in May. Are you okay? But of course, I can't say any of that.

After I left, you know I was miserable. I found the need to remind myself of the temporary mess of a day, to reassure myself that I got through yesterday, I'll get through today. I still find the need to do that. I started getting extra busy and everything, trying to keep you out of my mind, but somehow, after everything I tried, you somehow managed to make your way permanently burned into my mind.

Thing was, in all the time we are apart, I needed to hate someone and you're the one I love the most, so it fell on you. I think that's why I push you away more and denied everything a couple of months ago.

I always wanted to just "get by" with life. I hope that makes sense. I try to be ok and come with everything. My mind was taken off of those things when you came and I realize that I couldn't find peace by avoiding life. I had to live my own life.

Sorry, I'm in love with you. And I'm still falling for you. There's some people in this world that you can just love and love and love no matter what, and you are one of those people. I realized that I should never love anybody who treats me like I'm ordinary. You don't you treat me like... I don't know how to explain it, but it's a good way. Love isn't something you say, it's something you do. I've loved you since I was 18, Harry. It's crazy, but it's the truth. I've never felt like this before and that's got to me something.

In my head, I know I've been in love before, but it doesn't feel like it. Being in love with you is better than the first time. It feels like the first time in the last time and all at once. I decided that love is a terrible, terrible thing also. Loving someone as seriously as I love you is like wearing your heart, outside of your body, with no skin, no bones, no nothing to protect it.

The only thing I know for sure was that this, being with you Harry, being able to love and be loved by you is everything. Harry, I want us to see each other again. I want us to be together. Maybe when we see each other, we can think and talk about these plans and dreams of ours.

I love you, Harry Edward Styles.

Annie Elizabeth Woods.