I wonder if anyone believes in magic anymore. It's something that I doubt, but I should probably have more faith in the human race. Give them a chance. That sort of thing. It's just one of those things I worry about. I mean, I keep on having this strange feeling that something bad is going to occur.
This isn't the first time. It's peculiar. Sometimes this feeling I get means absolutely nothing at all, other times it means something much darker.
It's like a hand down my throat, a shiver down my spine, something I've lost all control over. A while ago, on New Year's Eve, I had a horrible episode. I actually fell to my knees and started crying. I don't know what came over me. It was so sudden, like a piano had fallen from the sky and crashed down on me. A few minutes later my sister walked in crying. She told me that my grandmother had passed away. I was sad; yet, overjoyed that my feeling meant something.
Even just this past year, not too long ago, I had this horrible feeling. I didn't want to wake up, I didn't want to move. I just wanted to sit at home. After lunch my choir teacher came to the front of the classroom. There were tears running down her face. My heart dropped. She slowly relayed information about a school shooting. It was that elementary school. Sandy Hook I believe... I lost all composure. I started crying and my tears seemed to be endless. I kept thinking:
I could've done something! I should've said something! I should've protected them...
I began to blame myself for their deaths, as stupid as that probably sounds. I mean, I lived like 1,000 miles away... It hit me really hard. I felt like I had failed them again. I relived those memories of that place. The memories of them. The people I couldn't protect even as they fell right before me.
My friends in the choir room came over to me and asked if I was okay. I told them I was just sad. I was sad, but I was also guilty. How could I have told them that, though? They wouldn't understand my "gift" or "curse" or whatever the hell this power is. They'd probably say, "Oh, cool!" and then run away to call me a lying freak, or an attention seeker. That's not it, though. I don't want anyone's attention. I don't mind being anonymous, being invisible, my life is better that way. Less strings attached. After all, my existence here is only temporary. The less people who know my face the better.
Being invisible also has its drawbacks, though. This way I face this journey alone. It's cold and troublesome. I can't ever tell anyone what's on my mind, no matter how desperately I want to. I figure that even if I do speak, they won't really register what I'm saying anyway. It's like I'm speaking some sort of foreign language. Yeah, that's what my feelings are. A foreign language.
I have to be strong this way. I have to be independent. My strength comes from my fears. I have to be strong, I have to be independent, and I have to do this because I'm afraid of telling people what I'm thinking. I'm weighed down by my insecurities. They wouldn't understand these episodes I have.
Sometimes, when I'm alone I'll write down everything I've seen and heard, just so that I can compare them to feelings I may have had that day. I need to make sure these feelings are something more than superstition. I'm not quite sure how to do that yet, though. It's hard to just record what happened before here.
Oh.. I still haven't revealed much about that place yet, have I? Well... That will have to wait. I'm still not ready to give away the ending to the story. I already have an idea of how it's going to end. I'm afraid you may not like it, but that's how God wants it to be. Don't worry, though. This story has only just begun. The ink is still flowing through my veins, the words in my heart are still beating. This story is not even to a climax yet.
But, I have been having one of those feelings that things might start getting interesting. A feeling like a shiver down my spine. Even as I sit here on my bed, typing with my computer on my lap, and listening to Nightwish, I have an eerie sort of chill. Something unusual is going to strike. Read this warning now, and prepare for the battle of a lifetime.
A battle between dimensions.
