Second Chance (a North and South tale)

Chapter 43: Dear Fred

Margaret

I walked into my room and closed the door behind me. I don't know for how long I was standing there, leaning against the wall. After I regained control over my mind and emotions I started to undress me for the night. My movements were slow and sluggish. After I freed myself from the corset I took a deep and calming breath.

While getting on my nightgown my eyes wandered towards my desk, noticing the ink and the paper sprawled on it.

I made my way towards it and sat down. To settle my thoughts I had to bring some order to my desk. I started to tidy up, so in the end, I had one paper left and one pen lying next to it.

Sitting at the table now, I had the pen in my hand, I was thinking about what to do. Sometimes it helped me to write about the things I have seen and done, but I have always written to Edith. Writing Edith about my situation would hardly help me. So I decided to write to Fred. He encouraged me to write him more often.

He was the one who encouraged my feelings for the man, now he was the one whom I will confide in.

I started to write.

My dear brother Fred

some things have occurred since I had last the time to write you. Father is getting better by day. I already have succeeded in engaging him in daily walks around the parks of Milton. He has started to work again rather quickly after you left, I think the distraction was highly needed and it has done him well. He is now taking up new pupils and is rescheduling his sessions with former pupils. We still don't have a lot of money at our disposal, but there is no need for you to worry. I am sure that it will please you that I have learned more about book-keeping and leading a household, so I am very capable of making ends meet, even though we are on a tight budget.

Otherwise, there aren't many things that changed at home. I am glad that father started teaching again, for he certainly is very busy now, it makes concealing my true feelings from him easier.

I know you said, that it isn't necessary for me to hide all my problems from our father, but I hope you will understand that it is in this situation. My current unhappiness has its origin in a man, his name is Mr. John Thornton. I don't know if you will remember him, I guess he has been the one watching us in the shadows when we were parting ways at the train station.

At the time you visited us, you pretty observant of my feelings towards this certain gentleman. You noticed my feelings even before I understood them myself. But you made me realize them, although I was very scared at that time.

Oh, and how right was I to be scared! I have not had one peaceful night after that time. Do you remember that day when I was supposed to be going on a short walk and came back hours later than you expected me? What I refused to tell you then is that I had met him. We talked and after some time he confessed his feelings for me. We decided for an arrangement which suited our both wish. We got engaged. But fearing the power such news would have to bring havoc into our home and disturbing our Mother even further, we agreed to keep it secret to reveal it in a more suitable time.

He was very understanding towards Mother as he always was, but I had an alternative motive in keeping it away from the eye of the public and I am sure you will appreciate what I have done. I knew, that Mr. Thornton is a very important man in Milton, and him marrying me would focus a lot of attention on our family. They would have watched us like hawks. You were still in Milton and I was certain, that it would have been even more difficult and risky to get you out of England.

When Dixon told me that she had met Leonards, who was determined to find you and make a living by bringing you to the authorities, I was very scared and even more assured that my decision was right to keep every attention away from us. I had to come with you that night to the station and see you drive off, or else neither I nor father could have been calm.