Stop Judging Me! (boyxboy)

Chapter Three

Heart pounding, I clenched my fists and stared at the tall school gate. I had done this all before; I knew a group of people. I could do this all over again.

That is what I kept telling myself as my mind whirled. It was only a few steps from the gutter to the school gate, and then only a single step before I was officially on school grounds. It wasn't that hard.

But, the thing was, to me, it was that hard. I couldn't just waltz through the gates like everyone else. Sure, I had yesterday, but within the same timeframe, I had also fainted and caused people to go into a frenzy. I couldn't do that again. I had to take a few deep breaths and walk through those gates.

It's what my parents expected of me. Even now, I knew they were still across the road, sitting in the car; watching. Waiting to see whether I could do it or not.

I didn't want to disappoint them.

My anxiety did, though. It expected me to fail. It wanted me to. And, to be honest, I was tempted to give in to it and run back to the car. After all, what if I fainted again? Would Jan and her friends bother to smile and reassure me that it was okay? That it happened to everyone?

The first time it happens, sure. But the second? Third?

I felt the panic rise up and seize my throat.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't, not again. I was scared.

You can't do this, Jack, a part of me echoed almost mockingly. You can't do this again.

But I could. I could do it. After all, I did the first time, and I could do it again.

That's what another part was saying; the far more reasonable side of me. But my anxiety was determined to win.

I was going to be sick. I was going to throw up in the gutter and my parents would come running over to me, and –

I jumped a mile when a hand landed on my shoulder. I looked over my shoulder, and saw one of the guys from Jan's group; the one with blue hair. The bright, almost smug smile he had been wearing only yesterday was absent. Instead, it had been replaced with a look of concern. He looked me over like he was looking for something.

What it was, I didn't know. I didn't get the chance to ask, though as he began to speak. "Are you okay?" He asked, slowly removing his hand from my shoulder. "You look like you're about to bolt."

I swallowed, face heating up in embarrassment. I felt rather pathetic; my anxiety echoed that thought. "I... I uh..."

I stopped when he shook his head, his expression turning wry. "Nah, it's cool. I'd be freaking out too if I were you. You can walk in with me if you want."

When I didn't say anything, his the corners of his lips twitched. "Unless you'd like to continue staring at the school gates; and hey, I get it. Sometimes I look at it too and think, 'Well fuck, I wonder if today's the day they'll take the rest of my tattered soul?' and expect the devil, but between you and I? I think Mr Carter from Science is the Devil. But let's keep that theory hushed, yeah?"

I had absolutely no idea what to say to that. Was I supposed to laugh? Smile? Look slightly concerned?

Blue then looked sheepish and gazed back at the school gates. "Yeah, sorry. I'm not exactly a comedian. But yeah. I can walk you through the gates. It's not like it'd be a bother or anything. I mean school scares the fuck out of everyone, especially if you're new. And it's not like I'm going to blab about it to the rest of the school. I mean, screw them."