"The miserable have no other medicine but only hope".

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Chapter Twenty

"The miserable have no other medicine but only hope".

- Measure for Measure (Act III, Scene I).

I REFUSE BERNARDINO'S OFFER TO walk me back to the palazzo

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I REFUSE BERNARDINO'S OFFER TO walk me back to the palazzo. Instead, I make my own sad trek back to an insane queen in need of my advice, a friend in need of my considerations and countless other idiots in need of my lies.

All I want is to reach my quarters, to hide away from everyone and the impossible things they want from me. All I want to do is runaway, without guilt and be as free as the wind – Alas, as I open my door, there is none other than her royal craziness sitting on my bed, a red and black sequence dress upon her lap.

"My! What a lovely dress!" she says, as if the dress had just happened to land upon her lap.

I inch my way to her. Has she heard of my collapse in the palazzo? Mad Queen Meridian is too unpredictable in her ways and the manner, in which she pets the dress, as if it is a living thing, unnerves me further.

"It is for the Ethbanian ball, is it not?"

"Si."

Meridian continues to run her hands down the dress, in absentminded admiration. And I continue to stand against the wall, closest to the door.

"Was it Giovanni who bought it for you?"

The way she asks me, is not so much a question, almost as if she knows it is not Giovanni, almost as if she knows it is someone else, and only wants me to explain.

"It is not from milord de Luca, my queen. Why would he buy me such a gift? We are only working together to solve the tragic death of your late husband –"

She raises a stark white hand that silences me mid-sentence and looks up at me with such clarity, I almost believe that her craziness is nothing more than an act – another sort of deception.

"I know what people say of me, my fortune teller. You and I have grown close, no? Do not patronize me."

I nod and swallow a nervous lump, but it gets harder to breathe. I feel that I have fallen into some sort of trap, worse than drowning in the piazza fountain.

"I used to be such a grand beauty."

"You still are my quee –"

She shakes her head and red curls bounce around like puppets, hanging from the piazza's execution stand. "Even more so, my fortune teller. Even more so."

After some awkward silence, she says, "Come. Let me tell you of the first time I met Lorenzo." I blink, not sure if I heard her correctly. "And how I knew he was the one for me."

I stare at her as if she offered to give me her kingdom; I do not want her kingdom nor do I want to hear her story. I do not want to get any closer to these people. Why is it when I want to forget them, they all want me to like them even more. Meridian smiles and pats the bed beside her.

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