Both Sides of the Story [cake au.]

twelve

"How can you be asexual and like sex, then?!"

Mikey sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Calum and him were at his tattoo parlour, pretty early the next morning. It was Luke's day off, so Calum didn't have to worry about bumping into him, and he felt like talking face to face with Mikey would make things a lot simpler for him.

"Alright, uh. How do I explain this to you?" Mikey groaned. "The only thing that's different between you and me is that you might see someone and want to have sex with them because of whatever quality – be it appearance, personality, whatever. I don't fucking know. I just have sex because it feels good."

"So, you use people."

"Come on," Mikey scoffed, rolling his eyes. "You've had a one night stand before. Do you really call the person the day after and buy them coffee, or something like that? No. You have sex with them and that's when it ends. I do that, too. And if I was in a relationship, I would probably have sex with the person I'm dating. Given they're willing and want to, of course."

"I don't get it then," Calum grumbled, sitting down in one of the fake leather chairs in the small office they were in, at the back of the shop. "Why doesn't Luke want sex, then? Why isn't he like you?"

"Asexuality isn't black and white. It doesn't follow guidelines. The only thing that makes us both asexual is that we feel no sexual attraction towards anyone. In other words, no person will draw us towards having sex with them." Calum could tell he was running out of ways to explain it. "Luke just doesn't like sex. He doesn't like the feeling, he doesn't like the aftermath. He doesn't like any part of it. That's just how it is. It's not uncommon for asexual people to not want sex ever, just as it's not uncommon that some asexual people do want sex."

Calum nodded. He was beginning to understand it better now. "How does it happen? I mean... Can you be born asexual?"

"Aren't people born gay? Bi? Pan?" Mikey pointed out with a shrug. "Asexuality is as valid as any other sexuality. It's as fluid or as fixed as any other sexuality."

"But like... Sexual orientation is a different story. Not being sexually attracted to people at all seems... Weird."

Mikey gave him a look, pausing in rearranging his papers. "To you. Not to us. It's how we are."

Calum bit at his lip, beginning to scratch at the peeling leather on the armrest of the chair. "What about love, then? How can asexual people be homosexual, too?"

Mikey scrunched up his nose, tilting his head to the side a little to show that it was a bit of an iffy subject. "That gets more complicated. I'm not gonna get into the names of all that and stuff, but asexual people can love. Love is love, right? Love isn't sex, it isn't based on body parts. We fall in love with other people just like you do. Our lack of sex drive doesn't stop that."

"Okay." Calum gulped. He was silent for a while, watching as Mikey busied himself around the room, putting away papers into very neatly organised filing drawers. He picked at the chair some more before asking, "You mentioned Luke's ex yesterday. What happened to her?"

Mikey paused again, sighing as he shook his head. "She's not- It's not my story to tell. I'm just going to say that sometimes, people don't know what they're getting themselves into, and make promises they don't intend on keeping. That's why I told you to give it another day."

Calum sighed softly, before standing up. "I think I'm going to go talk to Luke."

"Okay." Mikey nodded. "Just be... Just try to listen to him first, before making any decisions."

------

"Mikey said he was surprised that you told me this early."

Luke chuckled, almost sounding bitter. "Typical Mikey. Analysing me and my every move."

The two of them were once again on the couch in Luke's house, but it wasn't nearly as homely as it had been two nights ago. The house was quiet, as the girls were at their friend's house, and Luke seemed like he was trying to shrink down to a size he would never attain. His tattooed arms were wrapped around his legs, pulled up against his chest.

"He cares about you, Luke."

Luke's lips quirked up for a second before dropping. "The reason I told you is because I figured that you're not asexual. I had to tell you before things got serious because... I don't want to seem like I'm leading you on. Like, dangling the possibility of sex in front of you and then one day, months later, announcing 'Hey, actually I hate sex. Just letting you know!'."

Calum furrowed his eyebrows. "I wouldn't think you're leading me on..."

"Well, people have," Luke snapped, harsher than he intended. "People I've dated have called me disgusting things. It's not my fault I'm like this. There's something wrong with me. On the internet, they all keep telling me, 'You're not broken! Being ace doesn't mean you have a problem!' but clearly it does. Why am I like this? Why can I not have normal attraction like normal humans?"

Luke's voice was wavering, but he was on a roll now. Calum felt like he should allow Luke to let out all these pent-up emotions he was clearly trying to come to terms with. "Every time I've had sex, it's just felt... It's a disgusting comparison, but it's felt like rape. It's felt like I was being forced into this act of having sex. It felt like a burden, it felt like something I was forced to do, not something I wanted to do. I mean, I did want it. I did want to be normal and have sex like everyone else. But inside of me, it all felt wrong and disgusting, and I felt... I just felt like it was waste of my time, too.

"That's why she left. She left me because she believed that, with time, she could change me. She thought she could make me want to have sex. After 7 years of being married, after 6 years of having kids, after fucking who knows how long of knowing each other and dating, she left, because I had remained this sex hating, faulty human. She thought that if I found the right one, I would change. So I guess she thought she just 'wasn't the one for me' and couldn't help me, couldn't fix me. Just like all my other fucking friends, she thought it was a phase, and ended up just getting sick of me when I wasn't 'letting go of this prude act'."

"Luke..." Calum didn't know what to say. "You're not, you're not broken. You're just the way you are."

Luke snorted. "Eloquent, Calum. Thank you for that."

"Luke, just because one- She didn't- She didn't deserve you."

"You're right. She deserved someone who actually wants sex, which is, what? 98.9% of the population?" Luke sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, Calum. It's just a bit of a sore subject sometimes."

"Which is understandable." Calum wanted to hug Luke, to tell him that it was alright, that he was here, but he didn't. He didn't know if that was the truth.

Luke turned his head, shooting Calum a small smile. "For what it's worth, Calum, you've found a way to mean a lot to me in just three months. You- I really like you, and I hope that whatever the future holds, it still includes me as a part of your life. No matter how small the part may be."

Calum nodded. "Luke, you mean a lot to me, too."

"It's up to you, Cal," Luke said when he realised Calum wasn't going to add more to his statement. "I- I'd really like for this, for whatever's going on between us, to be something more serious. But it's up to you. You're the one with more to lose by dating someone like me."