I don't know what I'm thinking right now, but I want to have a normal life, but will that ever happen no. I want to be like everyone else. No one can understand me. It's not my parents fault, its not my friends fault, its mine. Mine and only mine. I don't know how I could let it get this far. I kept it in, so no one would see. I never meant to hurt anyone.
When I stay up past 3am trying to sleep, I think about everything I could've done differently. I think of everything that could go wrong. I try to stop it, but I can't. Im now doing my best not to puke. I've never done anything like this to be skinny, and I don't want to. I'll just skip meals. I never have breakfast for this reason. I don't want the school to know any of this, not even the people I trust most. The one person I did tell, never came back. I wish I could die, bit I know people would miss me. I know this, and its the only reason why I'm so strong, or at least seem like it. People can't see that I'm not like them.
I wish they would. I have lines on my arm for a reason. To silence my demons. But that never happens. That never go away. I wish they would. They tell me how stupid and worthless I am, but I can't stop them. One of my only friends asked me why my stories are always so bad, and why bad things always happen to the main characters, and I responded with, "I don't know." When in reality I was thinking ' cuz it makes me realize how good my life actually is, and why I should continue it.' If I told her this, she would freak.
I know this was a rant but I didn't want to do anything stupid. :'''(
