Daddy's Girl

Part 5

I’m wide awake at half seven, even though it’s a Sunday and the same rule applies as Saturdays. No waking up before eleven. But my thoughts woke me up early. You know when you can’t get something off your mind? Or when you have to remember something for the next day and your mind wakes you up extra early so you don’t forget it? That exactly explains my reason for being awake this early.

Anyway, as promised, Freddy took me shopping yesterday. He was way sharper than Marco, didn’t let me spend a dollar. Feels weird to say that too. So we got on fine, I learnt more about him and vice versa. But I couldn’t help but think that he was holding something back. Like a good ten or fifteen years of his life.

Like, he’d talk about mum, and how things were at high school and stuff, and then when I’d ask what he did after he left school; he’d just shrug it off and ask me a question. So I, being as curious as I have been and always will be, asked him about it on the journey back to the house.

“Erm, Freddy?” I say, twiddling my thumbs.

“Yeah?” He replies, his eyes on the road.

“Can I ask you something?” I widen my eyes innocently. Something that usually helps in getting my way.

“Depends what it is,” He says, glancing over at me. I know he’s joking, cos he lets me anyway, but I can see the apprehension in his eyes. Just a flicker. I take a deep breath and look down at my lap, fiddling with the bottom of my coat.

“Why did mum leave you?” I ask quietly. He doesn’t reply. I almost think that he hasn't heard me, but I see his hands clench the steering wheel and guess otherwise.  

“I don’t think I should tell you Kenny.” He says softly. I frown. Who was he to hold back this information?

“Why? I want to know.” I demand, sounding like a spoilt brat might I add.

“Maybe when you get to know me better. When you see me more as a father and not some strange guy who you have to live with now.” He explains. His stare remains on the road ahead of him

 “But I deserve to know. She never told me anything.” I say a frown still on my face.

“Exactly. And she brought you up. How can you expect me to tell you something that serious, when your mom didn’t?” I purse my lips tightly.

“Is it really bad?” I say, sounding like a little kid.

“Yeah.” He whispers. “If it made your mom leave then what do you think?” He says. I can tell he’s getting frustrated.

“But you’ll have to tell me one day.” I state, leaning my head against the cold window.

“I know.” He says. The rest of the journey is spent in silence.  

It got me wondering. I was just so curious to find out why, I never really thought about how I’d react to Freddy afterwards. That I’d have to live with him, and that I wouldn’t have the option of running away like mum did. Would I want to leave? Surely if mum did, I would want to.

The more I thought about it, the more I began to believe that maybe it was better off if I didn’t know at all. I mean, I’d spent seventeen years of my life constantly asking, and never getting an answer, but now I knew that sometime in the future I’d find out, I wasn’t so sure anymore. Believe it or not, I actually could see myself living here. But curiosity sure is a bitch and a half. I still wanted to know. I deserve to.

***

“Alfie go wake up Kenny.” I say, trying not to burn the eggs I was frying. Apparently the British like to have ‘fry ups’ for breakfast.