Beneath My Exterior

An Invitation To Hell ~Andrew

"Wait, what?" Cole blurts out in shock, the emotion sending his levels haywire. "You shower inside that thing?"

"No, you dumbass!" I chuckle at his expression, though eventually hold up the bowl for him to see better. "I take baths in this. Andrew Jr.'s the one who actually uses the shower."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." This time it's Emily who looks at me in complete confusion. "You mean you, as in the tiny guy you, has a bath in a dessert bowl... while the robot showers? You don't even have to control it?"

"Pretty much. He's completely waterproof, and besides, he starts to stink after a couple of days without one." I state matter-of-factly.

"You're insane." Cole mutters under his breath.

"You don't know my life!" I counter, turning on my exterior's heels to the bathroom before anyone can protest. With practiced movements, I program him to shoulder the door open and come to a halt at the vanity. I look at his reflection in the mirror for a moment, those honey coloured eyes staring back into my own.

"Speaking of which, I'd better change those." I mutter, scrolling through my exterior's pigment settings until I find a more mundane colour: blue. I watch as his yellow irises shift into their original human colour. Frankly, I'm surprised I can still remember what they used to look like. Being a yellow, honey coloured eyes are the obvious characteristic. Still, it's not like I can have them in public anymore, I think to myself, recalling the many online pictures I'd seen of myself or as the rest of Australia so kindly put it, the Andrew Lawson Disorder. In other words, people might recognise me. I'm more than surprised that they haven't already.

It's an odd thought. From the very start, I'd vowed to myself that I would keep one thing about Andrew Jr. real; his looks. It has always made me guilty to have to hide the truth about who I really am from the rest of the world, so in the beginning I strived to construct a robot as me-looking as possible. Yet by giving him the blue eyes I'd had as a human... it's as if I'm coming face to face with the person I could have been should I never have screwed up and gotten myself cursed. The healthy, glowing skin, shining brown hair... I feel as though I'm staring straight into my past. I cringe, looking away in shame.

Andrew Jr. is the perfect version of me, an embodiment of who I should look like, though reality is far from it. If you took some time to consider the real Andrew Lawson's life, you might understand what I mean. Despite my yellow's ability to store food for longer periods, I'm still as thin and frail as ever. I suppose it's my lack of time spent outdoors, or personal care in general. For me, real baths are a luxury. It's been months since I've had the chance at a proper one, without my past roommates growing suspicious. Sure, Andrew Jr. is an expert at getting himself clean, but if someone barged in on us while showering, then it would all be over. Let's just say I'm paranoid about being found out... at least by humans who aren't my girlfriends. Not that my strategy's ever worked, anyway.

But now, I guess all that secrecy can go down the drain. Strange. Never in my wildest dreams have I imagined the situation I'm in. Only a weekend in Hobart has passed and I'd been discovered by a human of all things, not to mention a fellow Nazaree. Cole and Emily are already becoming closer to me, despite the short amount of time we've spent together. I'd told myself in the past that growing too attached to people would only end in despair, with the amount of travelling I do. Besides, friendship could never feel real when my entire identity is a lie. Up until now, Andrew Jr. has been the one I fall back on in times of crisis, even if he can't speak of his own accord. It's pitiful, I know... but he's been my only comfort over the years, the one thing I know will always be there with me.

For someone so used to loneliness, real friends are a welcome change. It gives me hope, in a way. Hope that Nazarees like me can see beyond our struggles and find happiness, just as humans can. My identity has always been fake as Andrew Jr. Sure, it's still me controlling his every move, but despite my best efforts, it can never truly be the same. And after talking to someone without the robot, even for a few minutes, I can see that now.