Edward, I hate you! Jacob, Get A Darn Haircut!

Bella chewing the cud

So people liked it! :P I'm so glad bout that. Thus I'm posting the next chapter. They are extremely short now cuz I don't have time to write, but I'll edit and add more detail :) 

Enjoy!! Remember, do vote! :)

Chapter 2

‘No Edward, I am not going to be the chairperson or whatever the fuck it was, anymore.’ Bella said, munching on a piece of gum like she was a cow chewing the cud.

‘Bella, baby, please!’ Edward begged, falling to his knees.

‘Edward, you’re my shining star-’ Bella started and then paused ‘literally, you are. But I just think that Jacob is a lot hotter than you are alright? Really, you swimming around in orange juice like an inexperienced toad doesn’t help your image.’

‘Well, well, well….’ Jacob’s voice came from behind a tree. He made a clucking noise with his tongue, for no reason whatsoever and sauntered casually towards the two. He ran a hand through his hair, which by now, was longer than Bella’s. Though this should have looked sexy and cool, the fact that his hand got stuck in the various knots in his hair completely ruined the effect. Edward held back a sneer, though it was all too obvious from his expression.

‘Now, now boys…’ Bella chirped, ‘you mustn’t fight.’ The two men gave one another a quizzical look and Bella hastily said ‘no no! I mean you mustn’t fight over yourselves! It’s me you should fight about! HELLO?’ she said, waving her hand around her face and putting on an expression which was supposed to look sexy but instead looked like she had just got stung by a bee on the backside. ‘This is ME we are talking about! How can you not fight over ME?’

Edward how was now sitting beside her on the bench, leaned towards Bella and placed a series of sloppy kisses on her neck.

‘Yuck Edward, you are worse than that pug that lives down the street!’

‘Ha! Poor grandpa Edward’s not learned to kiss after having practice for over a century!’ Jacob roared while Edward’s face turned red in shame and anger.

‘Fine Bella!’ Edward said, rising. ‘You do whatever the fuck you want, but wait a decade or two, you’ll be running into my strong macho arms!’

Bella, not at all bothered by Edward’s threats, yawned loudly and lay on the bench, her belly almost a meter in the air.

Edward, with one last look at the Jacob and Bella, marched towards his car, his head held high.