2 Questions Every Girl is Asking Herself

Chapter 54

The next day, I was having lunch at a Shanghai restaurant, emanating an air (I imagined) of the most considerate girlfriend on earth – ordering dishes like it's nobody's business, and sparing Matt the colossal embarrassment of decoding a Chinese menu, when he suddenly said,

"Fei Cheng Wu Rao is coming to Vancouver, you know?"

I froze.

Does he read minds???

Then as though suggesting we should get some jasmine tea, Matt added,

"You should go."

This was becoming a replay of last night's conversation. My eyes must have grown to the size of moon cakes.

Just then, the waitress arrived with a stack of bamboo steamers. Inside were xiao long bao in two flavors, pork and crab. Then came sheng jian bao and pan fried rice cakes. When she removed the lids, steam rose up between us like a fog.

I wasn't sure whether to feel thrilled or insulted by his suggestion. He can't be serious. He must be joking.

Again, reading my mind, he added:

"I'm serious." He looked serious as well. He wasn't faking it. He wasn't being sarcastic. He was just stating a fact, as-a-matter-of-factly.

"I'm going to Brazil for work for two months. It's a free trip to China. You should go," he said encouragingly. Brightly. Optimistically.

I sat there. Too stunned to blink. A fly could very well have landed on our pork buns and I wouldn't have noticed.

"You're not worried I'm going to run off with some guy?"

"A little," he smiled, "but it's just a show."

I didn't know what to think. On the one hand I wondered if I should be alarmed. Is this a red flag? Could it mean that he didn't love me, or care about me enough to be afraid to lose me? Does he want to break up? And this is his way of preparing me for a soft landing?

Or, is he that confident about our relationship that he didn't think another guy could come between us? 

I marveled at Matt's nonchalance. Maybe he is that cool. Maybe he is that secure. My Respect-O-Meter for Matt surged in secrecy.

Then my mind flicked to the nights we attended parties together. Back when I was 19, I would have danced with everybody. Flaunting that sexuality like the tassels on my sequin dress. But now at 27, I wanted to make Matt feel like the most important person in the room. None of that jealousy inducing, look-I'm-flirting-with-another-guy twaddle. I don't initiate the flirting and I don't respond to flirting. I reined it in like Santa Claus and his reindeers. Maybe my improved girlfriend-hood is paying off. Maybe taking a safety-first approach to relationships breeds trust, and with it, comes freedom.

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