(Requested)
WARNINGS: Sadness.
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Caspar's PoV:
They found Joe's body abandoned in the river. All cold and still. Pale skin but red marks on his wrist, I knew what they were but I didn't know why they were there. One the police gave up on the case, I took matters into my own hands I will find out what caused him to die like this and I will make who ever did it stuffer. I dug through his whole room, not a clue was found. Except a key, which was used for unknown causes.
I was currently checking his room one last time....
"Damn it!" I yelled dropping my phone down the side of the bed and hearing it hit the floor beneath the bed. I lift up the mattress and search for it, the light from my phone appears as I got a text from someone. "Found you." I sighed I picked it up noticing how the light shows other objects to me. A box. Small dusty and locked. I picked up the box putting the mattress back into its original position, slowly and carefully I placed the box on top of the bed kneeling beside on the floor. I slid the key in. It was a perfect fit. Hesitantly, I twisted the key and lifted the lid. Inside was wrapped tissue, a pen and a diary. First of all I had to pick up the diary opened it half way though-
June 8th:
Today me and Caspar were filming a Q&A collab for his channel and a mail opening video for my channel. I'm so excited!
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The videos went really well and I have a feeling the Jaspar shippers will be slightly disappointed as I was. I'm really lucky to have such amazing fans who put me in this house with THE Caspar Lee <3
On from there it was the same as any other day. Didn't admit my feelings. Stayed trapped behind the doors on the cupboard. I should hurry up.
~J.S x
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July 2nd:
My god. I haven't written in this for over a month. I went traveling with Oli and Caspar and had to leave this in the apartment as I was sharing a suitcase with Caspar and he would have found this. Anyway it was absolutely amazing! Me and Caspar did a 'roommate swap clothes' video in Manila, my heart went crazy as I read/saw cute Jaspar comments/edits from the video. I wish I could tell Caspar. I wish. I wish. I wish.
~J.S x
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July 3rd:
I had a dream last night. I came out to Caspar and told him I loved him. He hit me across the face and called me a 'fucking faggot' so I ran away and jumped off a bridge. As soon as I hit the water I woke up panting and sweating. It was horrible. I have my fingers crossed that Caspy will accept me. <3 Caspyyy <3
~J.S x
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I skipped ahead a couple of pages until I reached August. I stopped here because my attention was drawn by the colour that filled the page.....
August 5th:
I'm miserable. I cut more then I should today, matter of a fact, I writing this with blood trickling down my hand and tears streaming down my face. I'm an embarrassment to YouTube. I'm an embarrassment to my family. I'm an embarrassment to Caspar. Life it's self is better without me, everyone is, they can stop dealing with me in one more slit of a knife. I'm not attempting suicide yet. I'm gonna share one more special moment with everyone I love first. I'll get back to writing when I've completed moments with everyone.
~ J.S x
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"N-No." I covered my mouth with one hand and the other still held the open book. The book turned into a horror story explaining the death of Joe Sugg. The death of my crush.
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August 28th:
I shared the most memorable moments with the most special people in my life in the pass month or so. I hope they remember them as much as I will. And never forget they are loved or cared for.
Zoe- I took Zoe back to our childhood city and did everything we used to as a child. We went to the old park, had ice cream, looked around our old school. That night we stayed in our old house and a sibling sleepover. We stayed up late and make dens and stuff. I loved it lots. Also Zoe? If your reading this.... I love you lots and miss you already. If Alfie hurts you I will hunt him for the rest of his life, because no one messes with a Sugg x
Mum & Dad-
We made cookies and cakes like a family would. Disappointingly, Zoe was busy but it was still incredibly fun. Mum put flower on my nose and poured some on dads head! The food tasted absolutely amazing I may as well be a chef! I've got a cough now. From inhaling to much flour. But that doesn't matter as instead I'll be inhaling lots of water.. Parents? If it's you that's reading this. Then thank you for raising me even if I was a pain in the butt. You did a good job I just didn't feel it, I love you so much and couldn't ask for better parents x
My fans- I know there's not a lot of them but I had a meet and greet. Well should I say: meet and goodbye. This was the last time I would see them but kept the smile running for their sake. Everyone was so nice. Gifts and letters were received and I appreciate it lots. So who ever is reading this now I want you to upload a video to my channel saying how much I appreciated the fans and it wasn't them that caused what happened x
Caspar- I took Caspar to Costa. We got a hot chocolate and chatted all day. To me, it was a secret date but Caspar didn't know that. He didn't need to know that. But if he's the one reading this now, then now he knows. Caspar, I love you. But sometime the possible rejection was to much for me. You were slowly killing me and you didn't notice, which is fine. Unawareness.... Is a painful thing. Don't let anyone hurt you. Marry a girl. Have kids. Live happily ever after. Act as if I was a myth. Lysm x
Now as I put this diary back down into this box. It will be the last time I hear the shutting of the lock. And as I stand on the side of the bridge and hold my arms out like titanic but with out Jack, I will feel free and it will be the last time I take a breathe of air.
Goodbye,
~J.S x
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The police still wonder what caused Joe's death. I had just found out why. I was slowly killing him with my unawareness that he was hurting because of loving me.
In the tissue was his blade that he used because of me. His little blade of freedom.
I killed Joe.
And no one hurts a Sugg.
