The Black Notebook

Entry 2: Colin Stillman

Entry: 2

Title: Colin Stillman

Date: March 8, 2013

Colin Stillman stood out among the boys of his year. It wasn't like he was the most popular guy in school. It was just that while other boys would be lounging around, their arms around their girls, wearing their cool jackets, you would usually spot him running up and down the halls, getting chased by a friend or two for pulling a prank.

He was a senior, a year older than me, but sometimes he seemed less mature. That didn't turn me off, though. If possible, it made me even more interested in him.

He was tall, around six feet, but not too tall that when I passed him in the halls and would glance up at him, I needed to tilt my head that far back. He had red hair, which was one of the many reasons why his presence inside a room practically demanded attention. He had these beautiful emerald green eyes, an arrow-straight nose, heavy eyebrows and fair, smooth skin.

He was undeniably attractive, the kind of "attractive" that would make a girl give him a second, more appreciative glance. Several had already confessed to him, seeing how friendly and kind he was to people, but they tend to forget that he was the boy notorious for never taking anything seriously.

Needless to say, there had been many broken hearts.

I stood in front of my locker for a long time, hugging my books with one arm and holding onto the door with my other hand; even though I already had everything I came for. I was watching Colin from a distance, as I've always had, as he wrapped an arm around his friend and laughed. He said a joke I couldn't hear and they all joined him in laughter.

I've had a crush on Colin Stillman for as long as I could remember and right then, my whole body longed to walk across the hall and shamelessly hop in with the joke and laugh along, just so I could stand beside him for the third time in my whole life.

The first time was my first day of high school and I'd been waiting in the office for my schedule. He came strolling in confidently, with that bedazzling smile that swept me off my feet the moment I saw it. He stood beside me, not even sparing me a glance, and asked the woman by the counter something that I couldn't understand because I was too busy staring at him in awe.

It was a good thing I hadn't drooled right then and there.

The second time was in the cafeteria, when we were lining for our lunches and his elbow accidently hit mine (he was gesturing wildly and it hurt a lot). He turned to me and apologized with a dorky and absolutely adorable peace sign. I murmured a small "It's okay" and then he looked away, back to his own world.

I know it sounds pathetic, especially since I was the one who told those who came to me with love problems to take courage, either to tell somebody you love them or to watch them with somebody else. I was also the one who told them to just casually say hi and make conversation when the opportunity presented itself and the one who told them that if the person they like doesn't seem to show any hint of reciprocated feelings whatsoever, to suck it up and move on.

But the cold, harsh truth was that I was as good as giving advices as I was bad at following them.

"Hey, Seven," a girl named Faye said to me as she opened her own locker, which was beside mine.

I quickly snapped out of my reverie and said, "Hi."

"What were you staring at? You look like a zombie who just saw some brains," she said and chuckled at her own joke.

I laughed softly and shook my head. "It's nothing. I'm a bit tired"—which wasn't a lie—"and I was just thinking about...stuff."

Thankfully, Faye didn't pry. "Okay then." I glanced at her face briefly and only noticed then the dark circles under her eyes.