How To: Not Completely Ruin Your Life (#Wattys2015)

My Anxiety & Embarrassment

Buckle up, this shit's about to get real!

So from reading to this point I hope you've grasped an idea of my personality, I'm an outgoing, loveable, asshole *wink* but something people don't know about is my crippling embarrassment and anxiety. The worst thing about my anxiety and embarrassment is that it's at its peak in minor situations. For example, when I have to read to the class I get so anxious especially when I know I'm next to read and if I read a word wrong or miss a word (on the odd occasion) my cheeks turn into an inferno and I'd rather be anywhere than in that situation. When I got to the last year of high school with my cockiness level off the chart if the teacher was to ask me to read louder I'd sit and sarcastically shout every word resulting in them having to ask someone else to read, either that or I'd just refuse to read out loud all together because I'd rather get told off than have to deal with embarrassment.

You guys remember my teacher Miss Applegate from the High School Shenanigans Chapter? Well this crazy son of a bitch always looked for new ways of making the English lessons fun (we studied Hamlet and Macbeth guys, if she told us to read upsidedown it'd be the thrill of my life) but 'fun' always meant "hey, youth of today! You know what would be hip and groovy? If we act this book out rather than just reading it!" (FYI this is how all adults sound to me.) at which point I'd already made funeral arrangements, 'I Will Survive' would be playing to remind people what an ironic piece of shit I was. Acting? I'd rather chomp on a bucket of toenails. I know what you're thinking "buckets aren't part of any dietary advice I've ever received" well maybe you should try it. (or don't because if that ever got traced back to me that'd f'sure raise my anxiety levels.)

In situations where I'm not allowed to fall back on being funny are situations I don't want to be in, I've only recently learnt how to give new people eye contact without immediately vomiting. (Tip: avoid eye contact before, after and during bodily fluids leaving your mouth, it's traumatic for the both of you). I like people to laugh at my jokes and I like to be an important person within my circle of friends but I cannot stand everyones attention being on me. I even get second-hand embarrassment, if someone else is dying inside I feel it to, it sucks. Not only that, I also get extremely embarrassed if someone reminds me of a time when I was embarrassed, it's like when you find a mysterious bruise and the second you notice it it begins to hurt.

My anxiety reminds me when I really care about things though, if I really want to do well in something or find something really important that's when I'll get anxious. My embarrassment comes when things don't go quite how I planned, either someone doesn't understand what I mean or they throw me off completely and although it looks like most of my embarrassment is just in physical appearance by my cheeks changing to a ripe tomato internally I get really discouraged to continue and thus find myself getting really anxious. Its really just a cycle of fun and enjoyment for all.

One thing I've found helps when I get embarrassed is to picture someone throwing a cake with all of their force onto the floor, there is no context needed and the person can be whoever you would find funniest but just picturing someone walking past with rage painted across their face and a large cake in hand is something that really calms me down and makes me laugh. Im sure similar things help too but this my method of not feeling like medusa is looking into my soul.

Tip: The single worst thing you could do in this situation WHICH PEOPLE DO ALL THE TIME is to point out my embarrassment, God bless you because I really wanted to draw more attention to myself! so if you know anyone who's easily embarrassed avoid audibly telling them, they are fully aware and want to kill you for announcing it.