And All These Little Things : A Niall Horan Story (Under edit)

OK, Spill it , Horan

SELF HARM TRIGGER CONTINUES SO SKIP THIS CHAPTER IF YOU ARE AFFECTED.

Liam's POV:

I pushed open the door to Niall's room and nodded to Basil who stood up and stretched. He told me that Niall hadn't stirred all night then patted me on the shoulder as he passed by on his way out of the room. I gentle placed down the tray I was carrying on the bedside table and ruffled Niall's hair to wake him up. His blue eyes flew open and he sat up with a start , the blankets falling down to his waist. He suddenly grabbed them and pulled them up again so only his head showed. I would have laughed at his actions because it made him look like a very shy virgin bride if it wasn't for the dull look in his normally bright, ocean blue eyes. I just gestured to the tray and mentioned that magic word, breakfast, which had Niall reaching out for the food. I expected him to start wolfing it down as he hadn't eaten for hours but he just picked up his fork and toyed with the pancakes and bacon before pushing the tray aside. When Niall refuses food then you know his world is out of balance.

"Niall, you know we all know about the cutting now" I said quietly " We are not judging you but please tell me, why? "

"You'll laugh at me, you'll think I'm an idiot"

"Well, yes, you are an idiot. But not for self harming. You are an idiot for not talking to someone about how you were feeling" I said as I sat on the side of the bed looking at him. Niall just shrugged and remained silent.

"Spill it, Horan. You know you can talk to me. Please trust me. I only want to help. The other lads are also worried about you .We just want to protect you and keep you safe".

"Like Renny was safe?" Niall spat at me.

"Niall, none of us raped Renny. We weren't there so we couldn't protect her. You weren't there. I know that you think you have finally found your Princess but that doesn't mean you are responsible for her past. Renny has her own demons to fight, you need to face yours. Why are you taking on responsibility for the actions of some piece of shit who calls himself a man? Cutting yourself isn't going to help Renny. It isn't going to help you either. You are self destructing Niall and you have to stop. Why are you doing it? Please tell me because I want to understand ."

Niall pulled his knees into his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs as he rested his chin on his knees. He was silent for so long I thought he had not intention of talking to me but then he sighed quietly and spoke.

"It makes me feel better, somehow. The pain helps me release the torment inside me. I just want to punish myself for screwing up that first time when I scared her. It was an accident but I scared her. And every time I get close to her, she is somehow ripped away again. And it helps with the nightmares. They stopped for a time but lately they have been back. All I hear is screaming and I'm trying to reach her but I can never find her and I wake up and I know it's too late again and it's happened. And twitter has been full of hate again. It's just too much and watching the blood flowing kinda relieves the pain"

I just threw my arms around Niall in a hug and rested my chin on his head before speaking again.

"I think I understand Niall. It's sort of like washing the grief away. But Niall, it's just hurting you, it's hurting us and it would hurt Renny if she knew. How do you think she'd feel if she knew what you were doing? It sure wouldn't make her feel better. It won't alter what happened to her either. You would never hurt Renny, would you? So don't hurt her by cutting yourself. You know we have to keep you under watch now? And Doctor Peters says you need to go into therapy."

Niall shook his head at that , frowning and folding his arms.

"No way am I going to talk to some shrink like I'm some crazy"

"Niall, it's not like that. It's just talking to someone who can help you understand why you do this. It's not saying your crazy. Please , Niall?"

"No, no, NO!" Niall yelled getting louder and louder  until Harry suddenly burst through the door in alarm on hearing the commotion.

"You guys, OK?" he asked.

"Yeah, we're fine. Niall and I were just talking and he disagreed with me. Niall, seriously, you need to talk. If not to a Doctor, would you talk to one of us? "

Niall looked between Harry and I before looking down and muttering he'd think about it.

"Make sure you do think" I said sternly. "And Niall........." He looked up at me. " eat your breakfast."