Painting Flowers // Ashton Irwin [au]

Twenty-four

Emilia's POV

Before yesterday, Natalie had always just been a faceless body to me. Nothing more than a name anchored with sin. I have heard of the deplorable things she had done to Ashton and have experienced her affect on him. But upon meeting her, I didn't see the horrible person Ashton and the others had described to me. If anything, I saw someone holding so much guilt and insecurity that they could hardly contain it. Like it was eating away at her. But at the same time, I saw indifference. It was when I saw Reina that everything clicked. Natalie's regret wasn't geared towards her betrayal to Ashton; it was Reina.

All it took was one look at the carefree toddler, and I lost all respect for Natalie. I hate her for keeping something as important as a child from him. I hate her for lying to Reina. I hate her for lying to everyone and saying that Nathan is the father. I hate her. But at the same time, I don't. I don't hate her as a person; I only hate what she has done. She has hurt him enough.

When I heard Natalie say that Reina is Ashton's daughter, I didn't know what to feel. Maybe it was because in my mind, I already knew. It came as a surprise but not as one that would throw me completely off guard. I'm more worried about what Ashton is going to do now.

My heart sank as he cried in my arms last night. From down in the lobby to back to our hotel room, the tears didn't stop. He fisted my shirt with each heavy gasp for air and whimper. He repeated over and over that he didn't deserve this and damned God for doing this to him before unnecessarily apologizing. During those two heartbreaking hours of consolation, it took everything just to keep from crying with him. I thought I had seen him at his worst, but nothing compared to this. He had reached his breaking point. How is anyone able to hold themselves together after not only reuniting with your ex but also finding out you're a father? I'm baffled that he didn't lose it right then and there when the words fell from Natalie's mouth. But then again, I don't think he would have allowed himself to break down in front of her. She's undeserving of witnessing him in his most vulnerable, shaken state.

When he had woken up this morning, he put on the mask that I've seen more than once and pretended as though last night wasn't relevant. I didn't dare ask how he was doing because this is how he copes. It's destructive and unhealthy, but at least he's functioning. And despite his hoarse voice and bloodshot eyes, he still managed to smile, hold his excitement for hanging out with Harry and Lauren, and appreciate my company even though he's trudging through his version of Hell.

But the question remains: what is he going to do with this newfound information? Natalie is right. He has a choice to either involve himself with Reina or drop her like she's nothing to him and allow Nathan to raise her. I can give him my opinion on the matter but ultimately he has to make the decision.

"Are we there yet?" Harry asks, poking his head over the center console between Ashton and me.

Anne allowed for us to borrow her car today when we went to pick up Harry and Lauren, and Ashton was thrilled to drive in his home country again. I've been gripping onto the handle above the passenger door ever since we started driving. It's not because Ashton is a bad driver, but the ride hasn't been completely smooth. Driving on the left side of the road and having the driver's seat switched is unsettling and unnatural, and after being in the states for a little over two years, Ashton is adjusting to the change.

"I know you're just saying that to annoy me but unfortunately for you, I have a great sense of patience," Ashton says.

"That's great and all, but that still doesn't tell me whether or not we're there yet," Harry sasses.

"Yeah, are we even there yet?" I add, receiving a nod in approval from Harry for joining in on his fun and an amused side glance from Ashton.