Blood Roses

chapter fifteen

No, Rose can’t be dead. A sore lump wells at the back of my throat and my eyes begin to blur.

“No.” I say to no one in particular. “She’s not.” I find denial the best way to trick my mind, but still my heart wrenches.

Mrs Roe places a small hand on my arm and instead of awkwardly moving away from it, I let it rest there. The warmth from her hand reminds me somewhat of Rose, the warmth reminds me of the time when Rose was here.

I let tears escape from my eyes in silent crying, but then look over to Lily and Carrie. Carrie has heavily running mascara and is sobbing loudly. Lily on the other hand still only has tears welling and is shaking slightly.

“What... what happened to her?” Lily asks.

“We never saw it coming.” Mr Roe trembles as Mrs Roe bursts into tears. “She,” His voice catches, but he decides not to continue and looks down to the ground in shame. I look back to Lily and she has let the tears start. I embrace her in a hug and even in the warmth of the Roe’s home, her skin is still freezing. Lily and I sit together in silence, just remembering. It all seems a nightmare; Rose can’t just... die. Even thinking the word makes me feel nauseous.

Carrie is curled up to the end of the couch and her body is heaving from what I can see, as if she is sobbing so hard nothing is coming out. I check on Lily and it seems as though she is holding up the best of all of us. However, she does seem disconnected in a way, like in her own world. I free Lily from my arms and stand slowly, but regret it as my knees are shaking like a small earthquake.  Nevertheless I sit inbetween them, closer to Carrie, knowing she doesn’t take grief well and is about as fearless as a paranoid person home alone.

With hesitation I put a soft hand on her shoulder. It takes a while for her to register I am there, but when she does I know it. Carrie pulls away a little, but soon relaxes and turns to me. Her pale cheeks are red and streaked with black mascara and there are some stray tears dripping off her chin. I find myself crying along with Carrie and my chest feeling as though there is a heavy weight on it; just as I felt earlier.

~     ~      ~

“Did you notice anything peculiar within the last few months to do with Rose?” Her name sounds foreign coming from the mouth of a policeman. You always hear these things on the news, but you never expect them to come true.

“Um, no. Nothing.” Lily states.

“She was completely normal.” I croak.

“And what do you mean by normal?” The policeman asks.

“She was concentrated on school... Rose was just being... Rose.” I explain, with tears still welling.

“Could you at least tell us what happened to her?” Carrie screeches at him.

He looks at her with fury in his eyes, but that doesn’t stop her.

“Do you even know? Do you even care?” She gets louder. “Tell me!” Her voice breaks at the word ‘tell’ and she breaks down into tears again.

“I understand, and I shall tell you now.” He pauses for what seems to be a lifetime. “Rose was found a few hours ago in a motel room; suicide.”

I take in a sharp breath. Being told that one of your closest friends committed suicide isn’t exactly the news you want to hear. Even with the knowledge that she is already dead didn’t prepare me for the cause. I don’t even think with all the preparation in the world I would have been ready for it.