I know you only like dark chocolate
I know the scar above your right eye is from tripping up your front steps when you were fourteen even though you tell people it's from a fight
I know, even though you've never had them, you've always wanted kids
I know you are inexplicably afraid of rodents
I know you secretly love ketchup on your eggs but won't eat them that way in public
I know you take your coffee black
I know how your lips taste around my mouth
I know you like to sit in the sand and stare at the ocean
I know your favorite time of day is pre-dawn morning
And I know just how to make you cry
There are only so many words for love. The English language is profoundly lacking in ways to express anything I feel for you. I read somewhere that French has seven times as many words for love than English. Even language stifles the depth of my feelings for you. I am the worst offender; never speaking the undeniable truth, I still love you, I always have.
You have been there for me my entire life. You have been the one who, time and again, has come to my rescue and healed whatever is broken. When I swam out too far at the beach, you came out to save me. When I broke my arm, you decorated my cast.
With you I felt the kind of love that songs are written about. The kind that makes little girls dream of growing up to be princesses who finally find their prince. You filled me up and made me whole and every time our lips touched, I thought I would die from the feeling of completion it brought me.
When you are away from me I feel I will never see the sun again. The years that we've spent apart made me forget how to laugh and sing. Now that I have you and winter is looming, I find that I am warm enough to thaw the snow. I've fallen into the space left hollow when I left.
We've been given a loan, borrowed time of which there will never be enough of. I stand on the edge of forever but fear paralyzes me and I can't jump. I can't fucking jump.
The tears in my eyes sting and I don't know what made me think I could have you. I can't wake up in the morning without you; I walk through my days numb to the possibilities. It's the ending of love that makes the rest of it feel stolen. The excitement of beginning something new and fresh is spurred on by the ticking clock that reminds us that we are all running out of time.
I don't know what I've done to you; I like who I am when I'm with you but as soon as we're apart the instinct to run takes over. The voices in my head remind me that we should end here, and when I'm alone, so far from you, I find myself listening.
I had thought love was black or white and when I couldn't give you all of me I thought I could only give you none. And so I ran, I turned away and I was torn apart inside. You fought for me, knowing that love was something you don't give up on and I turned on you. I threw you away and now my only regret is allowing him to ruin everything in my life.
Andrew had broken my heart, he had committed the sin of indifference and without him I fell apart. I fell into a thousand pieces of disconnected misery and you were there. Your smile rescued me, just like you always had. When I wept for another you held me and stroked my hair. You warmed what had died inside of me and took the risk of loving a broken thing.
He was my first love and I had been overwhelmed by the shock of my feelings. He was my world, my obsession, and I fell into him completely. Without him I thought my life was over, but instead it was just the beginning. After my heart broke I found that there was something so much stronger than the infatuation I had felt; I found you.
