Feels Like the End

Chapter 1 Gabbi

I awoke to the sound of my sisters Bi-Pap machine being turned off. I listened to Maddi's nurse, Ana Louise, muffled voice. She was telling Maddi that it was the first day of school. I heard the thump of an oxygen tank being lifted into a cart just big enough to fit it. I clapped twice, turning on the overhead light in my room before Ana could come in. I listened to the roll of the wheels being pulled into our shared bathroom. I sighed and sat up, placing my feet on the cold hardwood floor. I padded over to the bathroom door and opened it. Maddi didn't even acknowledge me from her position at her sink, where she was currently brushing her teeth, half asleep.

"Morning." I greeted, running my toothbrush under the cold water. Maddi grunted in response.

"Excited to be back in school?" I asked, placing toothpaste on my toothbrush. She shrugged. Obviously, she didn't want to talk this morning. I finished brushing my teeth and walked back into my room. I threw on a pair of black skinny jeans, a tank top from a band I had seen that summer, and a pair of black combat boots. I grabbed a plaid fleece and tied it around my waist, knowing I would probably need it for my welding class later. I walked back into our bathroom and was just putting on some moisturizer when Maddi called out to me. I sauntered over to her room. She was clearly struggling to put on a dark green tee shirt, almost in tears. I realized she had forgotten to take off her breathing tube. I walked over to her, took away her shirt, and told her I was going to take out her breathing tube. She nodded, took four deep breaths, closed her eyes, and let me proceed to remove her breathing tube. I handed her the shirt I just took away and as soon as she had it over her head, I placed her tube back in her nose and over her ears. She whispered a small thanks and I went back the bathroom where I proceeded to do my morning routine.

"Shotgun!" Troy, my younger brother, yelled as soon as we were outside.

"No fair!" Maddi whined as she picked up her oxygen tank, about to attempt to walk down the stairs. I walked up to her and picked it up for her. Together we walked down the front porch steps.

"C'mon, you'll have the entire backseat to yourself!" He argued.

"Actually sh-" I was interrupted by Star's voice, screaming after her brother.

"Zach, I hate this game!" Troy groaned at me.

"Let your sister sit up front." I said, reaching the black suburban.

"There's another row." I raised my eyebrow at him. We both knew that was taken up by our athletic equipment and no one was willing to sit that close to it for that long. Troy reluctantly climbed in the backseat between his younger siblings. As soon as everyone was in the car and buckled up, I backed out of the driveway. I eventually made my way to the elementary school, where Zach jumped out immediately. He ran over to the front, excited to see his friends after the long break. Star lingered in the car.

"Star! Go inside! We have to go to school as well." Troy said harshly.

"Troy!" I scolded. I turned to Star. "Star, sweetie, what's wrong?" Star turned to me, her bright blue eyes staring in bewilderment.

"Aren't you going to walk me in? Don't you want to meet my teacher?"

"I can't honey, I have to get to school."

"Mom used to!" A fire burned angrily inside my stomach at the mention of my mother.

"Star, you're going into the third grade now, you're a big girl. You can walk yourself inside." Star didn't move. I sighed with exasperation. "How about this? Tell your teacher that your big sisters are going to come and meet her after school on Friday." Stars eyes lit up at the sound of the idea.

"You promise?" I glanced at Maddi, who nodded.

"Promise." I replied. With that, Star gleefully jumped out of the SUV. I pulled out of the drop off zone and started the mile journey to the high school. "You guys hungry?" I asked. I saw Troy shake his head out of the corner of my eye. Maddi remained quiet. I pulled into the drive thru of a Dunkin Donuts, ordering myself some Munchkins and a frozen caramel Latte. As soon as I placed my order in the center console, Troy reached into the bag of Munchkins. "Hey!" I exclaimed, slapping his hand.

"What?" He asked with a mouthful of donut.

"Troy!" I complained. "I asked if you wanted anything and you said no!" I reached for my coffee, only to discover it wasn't there. My eyes immediately looked at Troy in the review mirror, but his hands were empty. I glanced over to Maddi to see she was trying to secretly slurp on it. "Maddi!" She giggled.

"I couldn't help it!" I shook my head, turning into the student parking lot. I tried pulling into a spot between a Kia and a GMC Truck, but I always had trouble parking.

"C'mon Gabbi, you can do it." Troy encouraged me like a child.

"Think you can do better than me?"

"I do."

"Troy, you've had your license for like a month." Maddi teased.

"And she's had hers for like a year!"

"Ok, Mr. Know-it-all." I said, placing the car in park. I got out while he climbed into my seat. I stood a comfortable distance away from the car and watched as he parked the hunky vehicle with ease, making sure to leave a nice amount of space on both sides. He got out, a triumphant grin on his face.

"How did you ever pass your test?" Troy asked, tossing me the keys. I heard Maddi laugh. I opened the trunk of the car, catching the soccer ball that always fell out. I handed Troy his bulky athletics bag.

"Why is your bag so big? You're only in cross country right now." I inquired. We were both in multiple sports. Really, all the Heemers kids were involved in sports. Or at least that's the way it used to be, before Maddi's diagnosis. Star is in Ballet, where she is one of the best dancers in her class and practices six days a week. Ten year old Zach is in soccer and baseball. Troy is in fall Cross Country, winter Basketball, and spring Track. I'm in year round field hockey and dance, as well as spring softball. Maddi is a former member of the Women's National Gymnastics team. She was getting ready to audition for the Olympic team when her coach noticed her performance was getting sluggish. The rest is history.

I gazed down at Troy's schedule to see that he was in all the AP classes possible. "You sure you can handle that?" He smirked.

"Course I can. I'm the great Troy Heemers." I scoffed. He rushed off to greet one of his friends before I could tease him. I looked at Maddi's schedule. She already had most of her core classes done, so she filled the rest with electives.

"Advanced Choral Arrangement? AP Music theory? Advanced Piano? I didn't know you were interested in that stuff."

"Yup." If she had any kind of emotion behind that, I completely missed it.

"American Sign Language 4? Maddi when did you learn all this? How did you even work on your voice when you needed your lungs fo-"

"Gymnastics wasn't the only thing in my life, Gabbi!" She snapped. "God, you're supposed to be my twin sister." She tried to storm off, but it was kind of difficult when you had to lug an oxygen tank behind you, but I let her go. I knew she needed her breathing space. Ironic as it is.