If you are not a Phan shipper, I suggest you don't read this. It will just bore you, and waste your time.
At the moment, all the imagination and creativity has been drained out of my body. There wasn’t a single idea in my head that would be good enough to be an AmazingPhil video. It has been 3 hours since I decided to grab a mug of tea and sit here to ponder on what to make for my subscribers . It used to be so easy back then. I’ve been on YouTube for 6 years now, and every week has become a bigger challenge to me. Not only do I have to plan a video, I also have a Radio show to manage. Luckily for me, I have Dan to carry some of the burden. If I had all the work to myself, I might have thrown myself into a live volcano or chopped my arms off. Either way, it would have been a lot less stressful. All the pressure is getting to my head. Consequently turning me into a damaged and sleep-deprived wreck on limbs.
For the past few months, the busy hours of the day are spent by having “planning” sessions with Dan, staring at a wall in exchange of making a video , and panicking at the last minute because I procrastinated for too long.
Dan’s negative traits are really rubbing off on me lately. I’m even wearing my pants in an inappropriate way. I guess being with the same person everyday will eventually form you into a replica. Sadly, these mannerisms are contributing to my little episodes of laziness, You can’t blame me though. In my defense, nobody can resist playing video games with your best friend. Especially, when this said bestfriend happens to be very good at persuasion. You can tell me I have terrible self-control, but I still believe there are some things you can’t reject.
Time goes by, and I’m still stuck with an empty page. Well, a page full of disappointment. So, I just stare at it as if something miraculous would happen if I stared at it long enough. Unfortunately, God wasn’t feeling generous today.
A sane person would try to look for inspiration, but I’m far from that. So I did what every pathetic and weak person would do. I went on Tumblr! Each scroll felt like a wave of defeat. It’s hard for me to accept this, but I was enjoying losing. There were so many things that captured my short attention. Besides, My Chemical Romance breaking up, Tumblr has ruined me. This is not guilty-pleasure, This is devilish mind-control! So, I sit there for the nexthour and sacrifice being productive. And from one Satanic post to another, I grew tired of being useless. Or in other words, I hit post limit. My mom must be so proud of me right now.
In undeserved exhaustion, I fell on my bed, and sighed to my heart’s content. My current situation is like the infamous parody of Les Miserable - Le Fucking Miserable.
“Phil! Are you alright? You’ve been in here for four hours,” I hear Dan say in a rather concerned voice.
I can’t believe he’s here again! Don’t get me wrong. I’m touched that he bothered checking up on me. It’s a really nice gesture actually. But, his kindness and worry will just push me into wasting my precious time. And after a Buffy Marathon on the couch with him, I’ll end up the same way. It’s like a cycle that comes to an abrupt stop when I’ve finished the series and have a sense of dignity again.
“I want to finish editing, but I have nothing to edit,” comes my reply as I slam my head on the headrest. It’s child-like, but as an Internet personality, I have to live up to my fan’s impression – Adorable and Childish. That always puts a grin on my face.
“Poor thing! Do you want to watch a movie or play some Mario Kart to ease you?” he says in awe.
I knew he was going to say that. How predictable of him, offering to bond instead of giving a word of advice. Even though I prefer his way of “fixing” me, I needed him to give me cliché motivation. Something in the lines of “get off your ass” or “grow some balls”. Wow! Did I just put ass and balls in the same sentence? That was surprisingly gay for something to be straight to the point.
