Dear Dan,
Hopeless, pathetic, and useless is what I am at the moment. No more can I feel the need of living another day. You’re always there, but I have never felt more alone. Slowly do I realize, that it will never change. As days go by, the sadness and grief remain, and gradually, it turns into pain. All throughout the years I’ve dedicated myself to please you, yet I’m the one who isn’t pleased at all. I put on this mask, a facade that might trick you into thinking you want me. Unfortunately, nothing will suffice because I’m a freak, a monster, and a person you will never learn to love. I knew I wasn’t capable of satisfying you but the voice of determination always told me, ” Trying wont hurt, right?” Sadly, it was mistaken and so was my gut when I confessed. Another thing I knew was that betting on what we had was too much of a gamble.
You were mad, enraged to be exact. The things that come out of your mouth stung. Each curse sent a dagger to my heart. Every glare sent a shiver down my spine. After a while, I grew numb. Tears started to roll down my cheeks with every drop being the amount I wanted it to end, while the salinity of my tears were strong like the pang in my chest. I begged for your forgiveness and prayed for our friendship to be restored. Luckily, you had the heart to save what we almost lost.
The frustration I encounter every single day is torture, and the smile you plaster onto your beautiful face, casts a spell of misery within me. It would take me days to describe the magnificence that is you. Although it would be a wast of time because I know it will never be mine. Sometimes, I hate myself for falling for an amazing creature like you, but I can’t help myself for no human can resist the temptation of appreciating your brilliance. They say love is blind, and I’m starting to believe that because you never see me. A wise man once said,” love hurts. I don’t believe that though because the feeling I have inside is more than that. It’s agonizing!
For now, I’m leaving you. I wish to see you again. Maybe by then, you’ll hold me like you missed me and kiss me like you mean it! Apparently, there is a photo of you at the back of this letter. It was a photograph I hid under my pillow. Before I drifted off to slumber I would give it a glance and close my eyes. I did so this time too, but the only difference is that I may never wake up again. Even though you don’t love me, I will always love you! I LOVE YOU
Yours truly,
Phil
