Wither

Executing

I have never been such a big of an actress, I mean a few fake smiles and laughs were my thing forever but changing all of you, hiding the pain, hiding the feelings that you frantically want to pour out is never easy. It would've been easy if it was for someone else but when your own life is at venture and there is someone relentlessly looking your way and assessing the way you interact with others, the dignity and grace with which you hide your pain, the way your lips twitch up at corners with the wry smile that is formed when you are supposed to 'smile' not when you want to. The way you shake hands and talk about how 'well' your life is going on and how you couldn't ask for a better one.

Once in ninth grade I had taken part in a play. It was my first one and I was on cloud nine all during the play course. The auditions went on with a hustle of nervousness and singing and acting. The rehearsals were something I would never forget, the insults, the fights and everything but most of all the family I became a part of. 

I had to befall a professor who was smug/ flirty and everything and it wasn't like I dressed up every day with black leather bustier and shorts too short to hold my bum and sat by the fountain too low that the valley that was strictly under 'restricted zone' sign was full on display and made comments on guys and flirted like my life was dependent on that shit. 

I thought that playing something you weren't even close to was hard but playing something when your body was on fire and burns were fresh and all you could think of was when will you get the privilege of changing these killer heels and dumping warm water over your body and relaxing, was really really hard.

Anyways the play had been a great experience and I would kill to be part of anything like that again. It was one of those things that dragged your soul out of your lackluster life and empties a jar of rainbow sprinkles on it. But that little ice cream had been eaten years back and this was what the empty bowl tasted like; cardboard and faint tang of ice cream and sprinkles.

X*ͦ^

In the morning when I had woken up and Angeline was ready for me with a makeup kit, I was really good friends with her now and she was the only person I could run to every time I was hurt or needed help with my moods. I knew her like the back of my hand, I'm the kind of person that can't live long without company and I need someone I trust to let out all the feelings burning me from inside and she was the one who knew exactly what I was talking about. Let's just say that she had to go through the same or rather similar ....way of life like me. 

She had been growing under a single abusive bastard she used to call a father. He had hurt her a lot and then sold her as a slave to the one and only person with enough money to keep his liquor on high standards for a lifetime. He had kicked her mother out and all she remembered was her name and a little scar on her left eyebrow, but one thing that impressed me was that she had a learned a song that her mother used to sing to her. Her mother taught her how to play a piano too and I had asked her countless times to play it for me when he wasn't around. She was the closest thing I had to being sane.

Taking a mandatory round of the toilet and purposefully avoiding the mirror in the toilet and my dressing I sat down and Angeline got to work. Her work was the same use the best kind of makeup there is, cover the marks and make me look presentable.

 At first I admired her work the way she used just the right amount and covered the marks the way they're wouldn't be a single doubt in other's mind that something had happened. The limping would become a reason of my clumsiness and the broken arm would be because I was too 'adventurous'. 

Over time her makeup had become too much...over, but I couldn't blame her, the scars never got the chance to recover, overnight new ones were there. The only time when there was a slight recovery was whenever he was on a business trip or out late partying and victimizing more innocents.

After the makeup I was supposed to be dressed up. The finest chiffon and silk were at my feet but time had changed and like any other that would've been flattered I was more furious. This was no way to apologize for being a sadist and claiming that he loved me. 

Without any other option I opted for the peach chiffon dress, having a cross stripped back and flowers on the right shoulder. The dress had three layers of chiffon and ended up an inch or two above my knee. I don't understand that why does he always orders dresses that show so much skin, I mean he knows how it looks. 

Above all I don't see the point of dressing up like others I mean if I would've worn this in Pakistan I was pretty sure either I would've gotten raped or ended up dead somewhere where no one could find my body.

But here he wanted me to wear this so I could look like others and get recognized as one of them.

This party I actually wanted to look good because this was an after party for the release of a new album. An album I was dying for and a band that was my love for the past four years. And a guy that had given me tingles under my shirt for so long and made me wet with just a smile. I had met him before but every time was a new and every time I was more than dying to meet him.

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Every party i had to fake but this time i was smiling and my cheeks were hurting because time it was genuine one. Girls die on him but for me he's nothing compared to the one i'm here for. My thoughts were clouding my mind until i heard a voice and my mind was as clear as a sunny day and as blissful as a spring evening. He was there looking as beautiful as ever in his white button up shirt and black jeans. Forever, i had been waiting to tell him how insanely hot he looked in a white button up while his tattoos were on display thought the to three buttons left undone. But i couldn't as always. Before i couldn't meet him and now i when he was here he would kill me. 

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Hala people (i really don't know what it means, but my brother keeps saying it 'Hala Madrid' so i thought it might be cool ;)) anyways an update after so long yeah?

I've been busy with my momma's work and a road trip so it was hard to update but hey i've updated right? so whoop whoop. lemme see you jump and lemme hear you shout 'You're mean Rubab'

So much is going on in One Direction's life and i hope it gets cleared out soon. 

Well i have to update 'Enter the Darkness' too so tata gotta go bbye. 

In case you don't know i'm writing another book with a friend and it's called 'Enter the Darkness' please check it out.

The user is i think something like: imaginedragon161 

Laters Baby, (yes FSOG is amazing; as a book i mean)

Rubab.