Esha and Isa

Chapter 12

Present Day
Saying goodbye to Ummi, Eliza, Farah and Sami, and even Imran, was much tougher than I'd imagined. I'd gotten used to being around them again. But I kept imagining home, trying to make myself excited about being back in Pakistan again.
Well, home is the reason why things didn't work out with Mustafa. I feel sad thinking back to him. I would have liked to have known him better. I know it's a shameless thought, but he seemed like he'd give nice, comfortable hugs.
I think back to Isa's father. He had a big build too. Not built with abs but not chubby. Just big and strong. I think I might have a preference with body types and it's taken me thirty years to realise.
As I'm walking out of the airport, I'm tempted to punch myself at my thoughts. And then I'm tempted to punch the people who try to trick you into giving them money.
The day before I came, Uncle Ijaz phoned and said he'll come to pick us up. Then Hadia phoned saying she and Khalil will come to pick us from the airport. I told her Uncle Ijaz said he'll come and we spoke a little before she hung up. A little while later, she phoned again saying that everyone was coming because they all missed Isa.
And she really meant everyone.
As Isa and I step out of the airport, we see a whole bunch of familiar faces. I feel tears burning in my eyes as I look ahead at Hadia, Inayah, their husbands and children along with Uncle Ijaz and his wife.
"Uncle Khalil and Bilal! And Uncle Kabir too!" Isa says, jumping with excitement. "Can I go to them, Mama?" Isa asks and I nod. He runs to them, and Inayah kneels down first to catch him. He's passed around, getting hugs from everyone and I grin widely at the sight.
"Asalamu'alaykum," I say, approaching them, dragging our luggage with me.
"Wa'alaykumusalaam!" Inayah says, hugging me. Her expression is one of joy but when I look at Hadia, I see some worry in her eyes. She's never been good at hiding her emotions.
"What?" I ask, before I've even hugged her.
"Come here, I missed you," She said, stepping forward.
"Esha," Uncle Ijaz calls. "Forgetting your old uncle?" He asks and I shake my head.
"How can I forget you?" I say, stepping forward to hug him.
"Asalamu'alaykum, child. How was your journey?" His wife asks as she hugs me next.
"Alhamdulillah, it was good," I say.
"Come on, we're blocking people. Let's get to the car," Uncle Ijaz says and we all move forward, brother Kabir holding Isa. Uncle Ijaz offers to take the luggage but I stop him and insist I'm fine. Then, Hadia tells Khalil to take the luggage and I let him, not wanting to go through one of those polite arguments.
As we walk out to the car park, I creep towards Hadia to pry on why she's worried.
"She's just annoyed at the weird glances people are throwing towards Isa. Ignore her," Inayah says. I don't even notice them anymore, I'm getting too used to it.
I see that they hired that big van type car in which more people sit than they should. I love these cars. It has seats cramped everywhere possible.
"There are fourteen of us, including the driver. How are we going to fit?" I ask.
"Don't worry, Khalil brought his car," Hadia says.
"Khalil's car is one of the most useful objects I know of," I say and Hadia laughs.
"That's because we all use the poor guy as our personal driver," She replies.
"He should become a taxi driver," I comment and Hadia shakes her head.
"No, we need him as out personal driver. Who's going to run my errands for me if he's out driving for other people?" Hadia asks, a look of mischief in her eyes.
"I'm feeling so sorry for him right now," I say and Inayah giggles next to me.
"I felt sorry for him as soon as I'd heard they were getting married," She comments and Hadia gives her a light push.
"Hey! You didn't even know me then!" Hadia complains and the three of us are interrupted.
"Who is sitting where?" Brother Khalil asks.
"I call dibs on a seat in the suzuki!" I say and Inayah rolls her eyes.
"Great, that means I'll be stuck with you," She says and this time, she earns a little push from me.
"I'll sit in the car with Bilal," Hadia says, and then she looks down at her daughter. "Fatima? Car or suzuki?"
"Wherever Maya sits," Fatima says, referring to Inayah's youngest daughter.
"I want to sit with Bilal!" Isa says and it puts me in a difficult situation. Brother Kabir puts Isa down and he walks towards me.
"Oh come on Isa, let's sit in the suzuki!" I say, trying to think of how it can be more fun that a car.
"No, I wanna sit with Bilal in the car," He replies, pouting.
"It's okay Esha, I'll sit at the back with them. They'll be fine!" Hadia assures me. "You sit with the others."
"I'm not sure," I say, nervously. I don't like being away from Isa for too long, especially if we're not at home.
"If Isa gets agitated and asks for you, we'll call you and pull over so you can take him," Brother Khalil suggests.
"Yeah, you go sit with your uncle. Isa will be fine with us, right Isa?" Hadia asks, and Isa nods with excitement.
"Okay, but you take good care of my baby!" I say, pointing a finger at Hadia. Then I kneel down to Isa's height. "Be a good boy, okay? I'll see you soon."
"Okay, Mama," Isa replies before running off after brother Khalil with his friend.
"I'll go with Khalil," Brother Kabir says. "It'll give you guys more space."
Brother Kabir walks off and I watch Isa, walking alongside Bilal. Then I see him get into the car before I climb into the suzuki after Inayah, making my way to the back seats.
"Is everything really okay?" I ask as we settle down. I look over at Uncle Ijaz, suspecting that he also looks worried.
"I guess so," Inayah mumbles. "So tell me, how was England?" She asks and I narrow my eyes at her.
"England was fine. Now tell me what happened!"
"You and your observations!" Inayah says, sounding annoyed.
"Aha, something did happen! Confess!" I say and Inayah rubs her eyes, increasing my anxiety.
"We're not going home right now. We're going to Uncle Ijaz's house. Your house was er..."
"What? What happened to my house?" I ask, worried about what I was about to be told.
"Last night, some people broke in. It's not in a very good state right now, so you'll have to stay with Uncle Ijaz for a while," Inayah says apologetically.
"Again? Did they catch who it was?" I feel panic surge through me. My first worry is Isa's security.
"Not as far as we know," Inayah replies.
"I cannot believe this. How come they broke in only a day before we've come back? Do you think it was a personal attack?" I ask and a look of affirmation passes Inayah's eyes before she looks away, going blank again.
"I don't know," She says but I don't believe her.
"It was a personal attack. Why would someone do this?"
"This is why you need to get married. You need the security. There are evil people in this world who won't even sympathise with a widowed single mother," Inayah says.
"There's no need for your speeches anymore. You know i've agreed to start looking," I respond.
"We'll find you someone soon in'sha'Allah, then everything will be okay," She says, softly. I disagree that marriage will make everything okay but I don't voice the thought. We both need some form of hope to cling to now.
I imagine the state my house will be in. It's probably not too bad. It may cost a fair amount to fix it up but that's okay. I mean, how bad can it be? I worry if anything has been stolen. I can feel the stress creeping into me, causing weight on my heart and I try to block out the thoughts. There's no point in worrying over assumptions.
The rest of the journey goes by well. I phoned Hadia only six times to check up on Isa and she told me he was happy. He fell asleep for an hour.
As we get to Uncle Ijaz's house, I see that Isa's already there, playing with the kids.
"Isa!" I say, calling him over. As he runs towards me, I leap forward and catch him in my arms.
"You're acting like it was Isa you left for three months!" Hadia says. I laugh as I release him.
"I can never imagine leaving him for so long!" I comment before meeting the other kids, high-fiving some and ruffling the hair of others. I turn around to see Uncle Ijaz bringing in the luggage. "Leave that!" I say, running towards him and taking a suitcase off him. "It's okay, I've got it."
"I may be getting old, but I haven't lost my strength yet!" He says and I grin.
"I know, but you need to save your strength to take care of your grandkids," I say, looking around the front yard of his house. There are four of his grandchildren and including Isa and Bilal, a total of six children are playing. As I take the suitcase off uncle Ijaz, I see him going to pick up the other suitcase and I shake my head.
My cousins come out from the kitchen and I greet them. We have a polite conversation before they tell me to sit and say they're bringing food for us.
Inayah and Hadia sit with me for a while before they get up.
"No, don't go!" I say to them.
"I'm sorry, but I've got to," Inayah says.
"Why? And why do you have to go, Hadia? One of you two stay! I need someone to take me home for a while, so I can see what's happened," I say and Hadia and Inayah exchange a look.
"We'll come by tomorrow and take you then, okay?" Hadia says and I shake my head.
"Please? I won't be able to sleep at night if you don't take me now. I need to know how much work there needs to be done," I plead. Hadia sighs and Inayah shrugs.
"I'll stay then," Hadia says, giving in. "Besides, Isa looks happy playing with Bilal. I'll just go and let Khalil know."
"Do you want me to take Fatima with me for a while? She looks like she's having fun giggling away with Maya," Inayah asks. Hadia nods and Inayah hugs us both before leaving.
My cousin comes out with a tray with three mugs of tea and a plate of biscuits.
"Where's your other friend gone? I made tea for her," She says.
"She had to go home," I reply.
"Okay, that's fine. I'll give this to Abu," She says, taking the mug to her father.
"Does she live here? Doesn't she live with her husband?" Hadia asks after my cousin leave to knock on the sitting room door when the men are sitting.
"She lives with her husband close by so she comes nearly everyday with her kids," I tell her and she nods.
My cousin brings food for us after the tea and I call Isa, trying to get him to eat. It's tough because he wants to play but I manage to get him to eat a little. Once we're done, I ask Hadia to take me home. At first, she's really hesitant but she eventually agrees.
"It's best to leave the kids here," Hadia says and I give her a worried glance.
"It's that bad?"
"You'll see why," She says and we ask my cousin to look after the kids while I make the quick trip home.
I feel some fear as we leave and get a rickshaw to take us to my house. We stop in the galley close by and walk towards the house. As soon as it comes into sight, I fasten my steps.
"Esha, slow down!" Hadia says, trying to keep up with me.
I open the gate's lock and step inside.
Then I gasp.
The walls are filled with writing. I read a sentence and my eyes begin to sting with tears.
'Take your African son and go home!' It reads. The rest of the writing is similar, and some sentences are worse. Some of the sentences include swears too!
I run inside and see everything has been smashed and turned over. I cover my face and begin to cry.
"We'll paint over the walls and when we clean up, things will look better. Then we'll go and buy replacements for everything that looks like it can't be fixed," Hadia says, putting a hand over my shoulder.
Who would do something like this? And why? We never bothered anyone! What if they'd come when Isa and I were home! Isa's only a child, he doesn't deserve this. What if he had seen the writing on the walls? This is awful! Terrible!
"Come on, Esha. We'll fix all this?"
"And then what? What if they come back? We're not safe. If there was ever any sympathy, it's worn off now and they hate us again," I say, worrying about Isa's future. While his father was here, I felt safe. Isa's father was strong and brave. But now I'm left in a situation in which I don't know what to do.
With a heavy heart, I make my way to the drawers and see that the little money and jewellery I had has been stolen, along with any other things of value. I bang the drawers shut in anger. Hadia hovers around me nervously.
"There is some good news which we revieved about an hour ago," Hadia says. "Masi called the police when they heard noises here last night and they managed to recognise one guy. It was the same guy as last time. They caught him today and he's at the police station. He won't tell anyone anything but the police are trying to get information out of him."
"Then take me to the police station!" I say and Hadia shakes her head.
"We'll go later. Let's just get back to your uncle's house for now," I give in, not wanting to argue. I have a feeling that I know who's behind this but I dismiss the accusations. I have no solid basis for it.
But who else dislikes us to this extent? I doubt the people who give us odd looks on the street would go as far as doing something like this. There are only a couple of people who have held an old grudge against me and my family.
As Hadia and I catch another rickshaw, I tell the man Aunt Nyla's address.
"Wait, Esha! What are you doing?"
"We're going to meet my deal old aunt. I'm just going to ask if it's her. If she denies it, then I'll leave," I say.
"No, this is a bad idea! This is bad! I'm scared," Hadia says and I look towards her panicked face. She's always been the sensitive sort and I feel bad for dragging her along with me.
"Okay, we'll go to Uncle Ijaz's house first and you can watch over Isa and Bilal while I go to see Aunt Nyla, okay?"
"No, I'm not going to let you go alone! In fact, I'm not going to let you go at all! Excuse me brother," Hadia says, calling out to the rickshaw man.
"I'm going to go with or without you," I say and Hadia sighs.
"Never mind," She says to the rickshaw man. "You're going to get us killed, Esha. I cannot believe I'm agreeing to this. Oh Lord, Khalil's going to kill me too. That's if your aunt doesn't kill us first!"
"Okay, if you're going to panic that much, seriously, just go back to my uncle's house," I say, rolling my eyes.
"No, I'm not going to leave you alone. I'll panic, but I'll get through this!" Hadia says, determined and though I'm angry and upset after seeing the state of my house, I can't help but laugh.
We get to Aunt Nyla's house and I tell Hadia to stay near the rickshaws while I pay my quick visit. I walk up to her house, a house I last visited as a young teen with Abu. I knock on the gate and wait for an answer.
Aunt Nyla's son, Aslam, opens the door. Seeing him, I recall how people say he's supposedly good looking. Well, if he was ever good looking, ageing isn't doing him a big favour.
"Yes?" He asks.
"Is Aunt Nyla in?"
"Arab Princess?" He says and I cringe. Does this guy have no respect?
"Is your mother in?" I ask and he moves from the door.
"Come inside, I'll call her," He says but I don't move.
"Just call her out here."
"Come on princess, come inside." Now I want to punch him. No, I want Mustafa to punch him. He seemed like a strong man.
Why did he just pop into my mind again? Now I want to punch myself too. Again!
I shake away the confusion as I watch Aslam shrug as he goes back into his house to call out his mother. She comes out only moments later.
"What do you want?" She asks.
"Can you guess why I'm here?" I say and Aunt Nyla shrugs.
"Probably to throw your poor old aunt horrible accusations," She says and my suspicions grow.
"What sorts of accusations?" I ask.
"What happened to your house last night had nothing to do with me," She says.
"And how do you even know about that?" For a moment, Aunt Nyla looks taken aback and she stutters a bit before responding,
"News spreads quickly." I don't believe her, and my suspicion is slowly turning into certainty.
"And you really have nothing to do with this?"
"Why would I?"
"I don't know, maybe because when I married Isa's father, you caused a huge fuss about how we're ruining the family's reputation and then when my father passed away, you tried to take over his land? You tried to take our house and you tried to steal our inheritance!" I say, for the first time, fully confronting her.
"Do you have no respect for elders? How dare you talk to me in such a way?"
"And what have you done to earn any respect? You gave nothing but grief to my father and then you try to steal his house and his land after he passed away and I stayed mostly quiet! Now you ruin my house and you want me to show you respect?"
"I gave your father grief? He left us when we were kids, went and married some Arab woman and never looked back. What were you all going to do with that land anyway? We had a right to take it!"
"Never looked back? All those visits here when I was a child didn't seem like he never looked back. And he left to find work so he could support you, so how dare you be so ungrateful! And if you wanted the land so much, all you had to do was ask! As for the Arab woman he married, she had nothing. She got separated from her family and was struggling alone so why shouldn't he have married her?" I say, letting the tears fall from my eyes as I think of my mother's struggles. And then I feel my frustration growing.
"Get out of here," Aunt Nyla says, unable to think of a response.
"First tell me, are you the one behind what's happened to my house?" I ask, taking a deep breath to keep my anger under control.
"So what if I am? You deserve it bringing your filth to our country, taking the house and land that should have been mine!"
"That's it," I say, stepping forward as I feel myself unleash my fury. "Steal what you want and I'll see you burn in hell for it! I send curses upon you, you freaking hideous flirt of a son and all those who take your side!" I scream and Aunt Nyla looks scared for a moment. "You won't get away with this, you despicable creature!" I feel a tugging on my arm and look back to see a niqabi pulling me. From her eyes, I recognise it's Hadia. Why is she covering her face?
"Calm down and let's go," She says.
"Wait, I'm not done yet!" I pull my arm away from Hadia and point at Aunt Nyla. "You watch, I'll let everyone know what you've done!" I make sure to say the next part extra loud. "First you tried to steal our inheritance and now you went and destroyed my house and stole my money and jewellery."
"Esha, please let's go, people are watching!" Hadia says. I turn around to see a few people who are standing around, looking our way.
"That's right people. This is an evil and cunning woman, don't ever trust her!" I say to them.
"I'm sorry, my niece has gone mad, don't listen to her," Aunt Nyla says, as if she's actually scared.
"If I've gone mad, it's because you've driven me mad! You will not get away with this!" I shout and Aunt Nyla runs inside, shutting the gate and locking it.
"Let's go now," Hadia says and I let her pull me away. Then I pull away again, running back to the gate and kicking it as hard as I can. Luckily, my boots save me from hurting my foot. I turn away and walk towards where the rickshaws are.
"We're going to the police station," I say, and Hadia agrees, probably scared to argue with me in the state I'm in.
She'd gone too far. When she insulted my husband, I tried to control myself. When she disrespected my father's death, I tried to bear it with patience. When she insulted my son, I even stayed patient then! But this time, I felt like they were putting my Isa in danger and I just cannot take it anymore.
I hate her. And her sister and son. I despise them! I want to see them suffer. I want to make them suffer! I hate them so much!
"Esha, have you calmed down yet?"
"Why are you covering your face?" I ask Hadia and she flinches. I realise my tone sounds harsh.
"I didn't want them to see my face," She says. "I'm sorry."
"No, it's good you did. If they can't accept their niece and can go to this extent of expressing their hatred then who knows what they can do to the people I love," I say.
"Esha, please recite something and calm down," Hadia says in a small voice. I nod and close my eyes, reciting whichever surahs that come into my mind. After a while, Hadia speaks up again. "Better?"
"Yeah, alhamdulillah."
"Good. I wanted to ask, can we go to you uncle's house and go to the police station after with Khalil or your uncle?" Hadia asks. I suddenly feel bad for dragging her with me and putting her through this so I give in.
"Okay, but we need to go quickly, before she can do something else!" I say and Hadia nods
When we get to Uncle Ijaz's house, I ask my cousin where he is and she says he's still in the sitting room with Hadia's husband. I ask her to call him out and she does so. Then I explain what happened.
"I've affirmed that it's Aunt Nyla behind this," I say to Uncle Ijaz and he sighs. The adrenaline and fury all dies down as I take in my uncle's expression and I'm left with feeling guilty. I wonder if I should tell him about the things I said to her but I don't want to appear bad in his eyes. This isn't something a person says to their aunt.
"I thought it was too, but I had hope that it wasn't," He says.
"I think I might have made the situation worse. I got angry at her and said things I shouldn't have," I say, playing with my fingers.
"What did you say?" Uncle Ijaz asks and I avoid contact with him.
"I don't want to say."
"Just tell me, Esha," He says, sounding tired. I guess it's better for him to hear it from me than from her.
"Well, first she insulted Abu and then she said I brought filth into the country. I told her I want to see her burn in hell and that I curse her, her son, and everyone who takes her side," I murmur. "Bearing in mind that before she came to the door, her son tried to flirt with me," I say, looking down, unable to meet my uncle's gaze.
"She's a troubled woman, Esha. I can't say I blame you for getting angry but that's now how you deal with these situations. Do you think your Abu would have approved of you acting like that? Or your husband?" Uncle Ijaz says and I cover my eyes, starting to cry.
"I don't know what to do anymore," I say. "I'm trying to stay strong and keep going but I don't know how I'm going to do it. This is too hard."
"Where's your faith, Esha? Things will get better," He says.
"I want to see her getting arrested. I want this to stop. I want to see justice being served," I say and Uncle Ijaz sighs again.
"Don't get her arrested, please. As your uncle, I ask of this small request. Let me handle her," He says.
"How are you going to make a difference? You couldn't stop her when she wanted to take over Abu's house."
"Stay with me. I'll protect you until you get married. I'm not dead yet, Esha. I'll take care of you and Isa and I won't let any harm come your way. Justice will be served on the day of judgement. Please, I'll never ask of anything again, just leave her and pray for her guidance. I know she's put you through a lot but find some mercy in your heart. I know your heart is as big as your father's. He was able to bear with her nonsense for so long. I'm not asking you to forgive her. Just, leave her," Uncle Ijaz pleads. Although every part of me is currently against leaving her as she is, I agree for his sake.
"But I can't stay here forever," I say and Uncle Ijaz shakes his head.
"You can if you want to," He says with a smile. "But you wont't because I spoke to Eliza and she said you're finally looking to remarry. I'll find you a good husband who'll be an amazing father to Isa. Don't you worry. You'll have your own house and your own family very soon," He says and I smile, wiping away my tears.
"Thank you," I say.
"Now please cheer up, my child. If Isa walks in, he wouldn't want to see you like this."
"Okay." I wipe away my tears and see Hadia standing in the corner of the room.
"So we won't have to go to the police station?" She asks and I nod. "Oh, Alhamdulillah," She says, relieved. She runs back into the sitting room, calling after her husband. "Khalil, we don't have to go to the police station!"
I shake my head at her. Then I decide to leave the past behind me and focus on my future. Though the pain is still raw and there are a mixture of feelings still lingering inside of me, I know that we don't always get what we want. I comfort myself with the knowledge that the punishment after death is far more severe than the one on earth.
I know it's wrong to be this angry, and I know I probably sinned by shouting at my aunt. I plan to repent for it. I also know that it's good to forgive people. Maybe I might find it in my heart to forgive her one day, though I doubt it. For now, I can't bring myself to forgive her. It's true that if you forgive others, Allah will forgive you. But even with these thoughts, all the memories and feelings stop me from being so merciful to a woman like her.
I just hope that things will fix themselves soon. I haven't thought things out properly through all this shock and anger, but the next part of life is going to be difficult. There's been a fair amount of damage which might use up a lot of my savings, and I spent quite a lot going to England. With my jewellery stolen, even that can't come in useful now. I know I'll have everyone's support but things are going to be really tough now.
I look towards Isa and pray that he stays ignorant of everything that's happening and finds only joy in playing with his cousins. Ease and joy for Isa is what I want more than anything at the moment. I just hope I can provide that for him despite all these obstacles.