EXCEPTional

Ch. 21 (Chance)

*Chance*

Obligation versus want: Where did I stand? Did I grab her hand because I wanted to feel her skin against mine, or because that was what I was expected to do? Was I only convincing myself that I wanted this?

Bridget's words repeated in my head as I took the long walk home. I stared at the sidewalk before me as I journeyed back, consumed entirely by my thoughts.

I hadn't thought this much about something like this for years. Posing in front of a camera didn't require a whole lot of neurons. So having such deep thoughts whirring about in a mechanism I normally didn't work this hard was a rather tiring ordeal.

Did I really want to be with Adriana, or was I convincing myself I did?

God, Bridget was right: that line was thin, and extremely blurry.

Groaning, I raked my fingers through my hair, which was a mess. I had never run my fingers through it this much before. It typically didn't stick out at funky angles. Now, I could pull off the more controlled bedhead look, but this bad of an unkempt style wasn't a look I usually sported, and for a reason: it looked ridiculous.

How the hell was I supposed to know if I had convinced myself of this? How could I tell if I had convinced myself, or if I had just convinced myself that I had convinced myself? God, this was aggravating.

My stride increased along with my speed out of frustration, so I had cut my time in half. Arriving home sooner was appealing, even though I required annoyance to fuel my quickened pace.

Okay, maybe if I broke my questions down to something simple, something I could handle. The first thing I needed to ask myself was: Did I want Adriana?

Of course I wanted Adriana, you goddamn idiot. She had perfect legs and perfect skin and perfect everything. Then again, there was a time I wanted a band geek with goofy glasses and a horrendous gap between her teeth just because her hair smelled nice.

I let out a short yell, pulling at my hair. That hadn't helped me at all. I more than likely looked insane right now, but that was because I was slowly beginning to unravel.

Perhaps I just needed a different question. I knew I wanted Adriana, but maybe the question I needed to ask was, why did I want to be with Adriana?

My stiff shoulders started to relax, even though my brain was tightening with all the racing thoughts it was trying to process simultaneously.

Why did I want to be with her? Yeah, there was the fact that she was sexy as hell and it was nice to be seen with someone like that, especially when I was equally as attractive. I was with her because she often showed the right amount of affection, and I had needs. But, wasn't I with her just because it made sense?

When I'd first learned of the photoshoot starring me and my female counterpart in "the Ultimate Sexy Spread", I knew the publicity would be a big boost in both of our careers. Then I met Adriana, and I found we shared the same drive when it came to modeling. That was extremely appealing. We were both willing to try being together, part mutual attraction and part media expectations. When we'd announced our relationship, the cover headline had read, "A Match Made in Heaven"—everyone had been waiting for us to get together.

Undoubtedly, the relationship with world-known Chance Olson had rocketed Adriana to new heights, despite her already-growing popularity. But after our public announcement that we were now dating, she had modeling offers coming at her left and right. And she loved it.