Doors open.

Isnt there.

I grabbed Pansy's arm and dragged us back down to our common room. Despite her constant pulling, and begging me to tell her what was going through my head, I ignored her.

I don't know exactly what was going through my head, to put it simply enough. I just knew that something wasn't right with Mattheo. I knew deep down, something was very, very wrong. He wouldn't do this to me, he just wouldn't.

I knew that boy like the back of my hand , his last text on a constant loop in my head. I don't know exactly what happened over the summer or what changed, but it wasn't his own doing.

I knew he was in there. I knew beyond the mean demeanor he had worn, my boy was in there. And I knew that I promised him I would always get him out, that I would always bring him back.

What I was about to do I wasn't proud of. I was actually very ashamed, but it was the only way I can think to get his true feelings to come to the surface.

Merlin forgive me.

Everyone forgive me.

Please.

The music was still pumping, the drinks were still flowing, and he was still sitting on that arm chair. Astoria draped across his lap. She wore an ugly smile, like she was happy. Like she was proud. Like he had finally went back to her.

Over my dead body, would that ever be true.

But he sat in that arm chair, a cigarette in one hand, his other draped across her lap, a full glass of straight fire whiskey, in his hand. And those eyes, those dead eyes. Like he was in there, begging to come out.

I had two choices. One would kill him. And one would kill me. One would hurt everybody, one would almost be unbelievable, like he would know it was just a joke.

Because he knew Enzo. He knew Enzo like the worn pages of a book, He read one too many times. He knew his inner workings, his thoughts, everything. And he knew he would never kiss me.

So I walk straight over to Theo, I pulled his ear very close to my mouth and whispered so low, Only he could hear me, "please, forgive me. After what I'm about to do please just forgive me."

He looked back at me, almost worried, like he was genuinely scared of my next move.

But he nodded.

I looked back at Mattheo, already had his eyes on me, I looked back up at Theo, and pulled his face and into mine.

I heard Pansys gasp, I heard Enzo mutter, "oh shit" and Draco's eyes rolled so far I heard it. I didn't need to see it to know what was going on.

It was a short kiss, long enough to get my point across, long enough just to see, if my boy was still in there.

And he was.

Because the next thing I knew, I was being dragged across the common room by my wrist.

He was gripping me so tight it almost hurt, and all I seen was the back of his head. I was almost too scared to see his face.

He didn't pull me up into the dorms, he didn't pull me into a broom closet, he didn't pull me into the bathroom.

He pulled me into the corridor.

Darkly lit by the candles on the wall, crawling with drunk students, all celebrating their last first night back.

Like how we should be.

But no, he raised his hand and pinned me to the wall.

Not in a sexy way, not in a possessive way, in a threatening way.

" I don't know what kind of shit you're trying to pull, but knock it the fuck off" he spat, " what you're trying to do won't work."

"Mattheo, what the fuck you're hurting me?!" I whisper yelled.

"you don't know hurt. I suggest you stay away from me, unless you want to know all about it." He gave his hand an extra squeeze around my neck.

"you're a fucking insane!" I yelled, for real this time, " what kind of fucking asshole are you?" my voice cracked, and I managed to push his hand off my neck, "two months ago we were in love, we couldn't stay away from each other, you begged me to stand by you, now you're telling me to stay the fuck away from you?! how the fuck does it go from that to this?!" I pushed his chest, hard, "how the fuck do you think I'm supposed to believe this? After everything we've been through, just to be together, a summer away is enough to push us apart?"

He kept looking over his shoulder, he looked on edge. Like he was about to snap.

"you don't know fuck about shit" his words held such Venom, as he pushed his chest to mine " you will stay the fuck away from me, you will not get in my way, no one is going to stop me." His mouth twitched, his eyes piercing mine, I couldn't find him. He wasn't in there. " and really? Nott? Do better princess. We all know you could."

And those are the last words he spoke to me. As he pushed off me, and walked back into the party.

My back was pressed against the cold stone wall, and I let myself fall, sliding down the wall until I met the floor.

I was silently gasping for air, my chest hurt. Physically hurt. Pain I've never felt before.

I couldn't find him.

Like he wasn't even in there.

A shell.

A void.

Something happened over the summer, I needed to find out what.

I stayed on the floor for a long time, way longer than I probably should've.

Pansy came rushing out, about a half hour later.

She looked pissed, I understood.

She was in love with Theo, and I just stuck my tongue down his throat to see if my asshole of a boyfriend, would show me the slightest bit of emotion.

And Theo, was in love with me. Whether he remembered or not.

It killed me to do that honestly.

But I thought it would work.

And seeing pansies hurt all over her face, hurt me even more.

" what the fuck was that?" She yelled.

" I thought it'd work," I whispered, " I'm so sorry."

" I wish I would've worked," she spat, " you just kissed my boyfriend for no reason!"

" pansy I'm sorry, I really am, but he's not there." I whispered again.

" what the fuck are you talking about?" She sounded so mad.

" he told me to stay the fuck out of his way, or he'd hurt me." I gasped, " he held me against this wall, and threatened me, and he wasn't there."

"Yn..." she started.

" and I'm so sorry that I thought kissing Theo, would bring out any type of emotion in him, I should've seen it in his face, he isn't there pansy. Something terrible has happened." My voice cracked again.

"Oh my girl," she whispered as she sat next to me, " we'll figure it out, but please don't ever kiss Theo again." She rolled her eyes.

" I swear, I never will" I almost laughed, " but I think it's beyond our control. I think he's gone."

"Gone?" She cocked her head.

" whatever he is, wherever he really went, I just know he isn't mine anymore. I don't think he ever will be again."