Rekindling the Lost Affection- Haerin x Reader

Chapter 4- Haerin's Decision

     Making my way back to the dorm, I reflected on Min Hee-jin's words. Or rather, I was forced to. No matter what I did, her icy voice kept ringing in my ear.

     "You're being greedy... you're being greedy...," the voice whispered in my ear, like background noise I couldn't get rid of.

     "Shut up!" I screamed in an unusually loud outburst. I felt my knees give out as my legs hit the pavement. The shock and pain of hitting the ground finally quieted the voice. My mind felt clearer, but my vision remained blurry. I reached up to rub my eyes and restore my vision, but as I touched my face, I felt a wet sensation. It was only then I realized I was crying.

     "Am I asking for too much?" questioning no one in particular as I looked up to the sky. The moon and the stars in the sky were distorted by my tears, making them seem brighter. I knew that I was extremely lucky to have been given the chance to become an idol, especially under a company like ADOR and HYBE. Many girls my age would die for an opportunity like this, yet I did not envy the situation I was in.

     All of a sudden, I heard a soft, familiar voice in my head say, "It's not, Haerin." It took me a moment before I recognized as my mother's voice. I hadn't heard her voice since she died when I was a kid. With the voice of an angel, she continued, "You deserve the world, and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise."

     My thoughts froze for a second, overcome with emotion and nostalgia. When I was a kid, my mom would always tell me that I deserved everything in life- that no task, no goal was too high or too lofty for me to fulfill. Even when my own dad didn't support my dreams, she had always supported me.

     Her tone of voice conveyed her confidence in me, giving me the self-assurance I needed in that moment to stand back up.

      I made up my mind at that moment. I would go against Min Hee-jin and date y/n.

     At least that was what I told myself. As NewJeans prepared to debut, I had less and less time to meet with y/n, as every day was a flurry of vocal training and dance practice. I left the bright, modern ADOR building at 11 pm every day, exhausted after dancing to Hype Boy and Attention for hours non-stop. Filming the MVs for these songs was even worse. I could feel the directors and producers losing patience with me with each failed recording as I struggled to make the correct facial expressions. Although Danielle, the only person keeping me sane while recording, was there to help me and even offered to teach me, I just wasn't naturally expressive. I felt bad for all the trouble I was causing. Even worse, I was scared of the prospect of ADOR debuting NewJeans as a group of four without me, despite the unnies and Hyein promising me that would never happen.

     As a result, although y/n remained in the back of my mind, my priorities had shifted from spending time with him to getting enough sleep to survive the next day of preparing to debut.

     Each night as I fell asleep, I told myself that I would find time and make plans with y/n the following day, but it seemed like there just weren't enough hours in the day. During this time, Min Hee-jin also continued to ask about our relationship and urged me to break up with him.

     At the start, I continued to refuse her demands. To maintain our relationship, I called y/n each night for 15 minutes, but by the end of the first week, the time had shrunk to 5 minutes. Before I knew it, I had gone multiple days without contacting him.

     I felt guilty. Y/n had always made time for me in the past, no matter how busy he was. My feelings accumulated, and I spontaneously decided to call y/n at 2 am one morning just to check up on him. Surprisingly, he picked up.

     "Hi, sorry for not calling much recently. I've been super busy...I'm really sorry y/n," I apologized.

     "It's fine, Kitty," y/n had replied. I always liked it when he called me that, but today, it seemed so sad. He continued, "It's 2 am; make sure you get some sleep. You can call me again when you have more time." He sounded tired.

     "Thank you," I said gratefully, "I'll talk to you soon."

       Right as I was about to hang up, I heard him mumble, "I miss you." He sounded so heartbroken and lonely.

      I wasn't sure how to respond, so I didn't say anything. As silence fell between me and y/n, I chose to hang up, laying down on my bed to get some rest before morning.

      Although I initially felt relieved that y/n did not seem to be mad at me, my relief was quickly replaced by feelings of guilt. Hearing his lonely voice made me realize that I couldn't be there for him when he needed it.

     "Y/n deserves someone better than me- someone who actually talks to him everyday," I eventually decided to myself. Although I was quiet and introverted, I wasn't ignorant of other peoples' feelings. "Maybe breaking up is the best option. I might be hurting him more than I realize by keeping him in this relationship with me."

     Min Hee-jin's words began to resurface in my head. As I thought about it more, I admit it; she was right. It was impossible to continue our relationship after I became an idol.

     Coming to this realization and it meant for my future, I cried into my pillow. I fell asleep, knowing that tomorrow, I resolved to find a way to end this relationship and let everything go.

     "This has to be the right decision. It makes sense for both of us. I can't have romantic relationships as an idol, and y/n deserves someone who can constantly be at his side," I reasoned to myself, suppressing the voices in my heart telling me something was wrong.

     After suppressing my doubts, the next day, I awkwardly walked into Min Hee-jin's office.

     "Haerin, why are you here? Shouldn't you be practicing?" she questioned. I rarely sought her out at her office, and she had undoubtedly been informed of my poor performances in the past few weeks. She wore a worried look on her face as she glanced at me.

     "Sorry for bothering you, Ms. Hee-jin," I bowed. Then, more awkwardly, I started, "I'd like to ask for advice in ending the relationship..."

     As I attempted to explain the conclusions I had come to the previous night, Min Hee-jin smiled at me proudly, promising that she would arrange a time for me to explain everything to y/n where we would be able to formally break things off. I thanked her and got ready to leave her room.

     As I was about to leave, Min Hee-jin again smiled brightly at me and said, "Haerin, you've grown up so much. I'm so proud of you for coming around. You made the correct decision, and I'm sure you won't regret it."

     "Thank you," I replied politely, faking a smile. My mouth suddenly became dry. Not wasting any time, I quickly exited the room, trying to put as much distance between me and Min Hee-jin as I felt feelings of emptiness overwhelm me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A/N

Please vote if you enjoyed. Seeing what people like really helps me stay on the right track.

Also, I'm considering changing y/n to male instead of gender neutral. I couldn't really get used to  writing they/them/their since he/him/his is used a lot more in academic writing (what I'm more familiar with). If this is something that bothers you, please let me know, as I'm still on the fence on which one I want to use, and I'd like to hear readers' opinions on this.

I might revisit this (or any other chapters) in the near future, as I wrote most of them while I was half asleep. This chapter in particular was especially hard to write- I'm not really sure why.

Anyway, I'm glad that I can more or less be done writing the breakup part and move into their meeting and reviving their relationship, which I feel like would be easier to write.

Thanks for reading as always.