Secrets - Chanlix

Scene 4

Now Playing: Walking The Wire - Imagine Dragons

You can only run from your problems for so long. For Hyunjin and Minho, that was eachother. Yet, after two days of avoiding eachother at all costs, Minho showed up at Hyunjin's art class at the end to speak about the elephant in their room. The established their feelings for eachother and Hyunjin even visited Minho at the cafe the elder works for at weekends. It was all great except they swore themselves to secrecy, Minho couldn't cope getting outed when he wasn't ready and Hyunjin honestly liked the secret aspect of it. Jisung, who had obviously saved the two from their unintentional captivity but also walked in on Hyunjin in Minho's lap, had kept quiet too and was honestly more offended by the fact that Minho had never talked to him about his sexuality (despite understanding that both of them were completely closeted and there was nothing there to spark that conversation anyway). He, however, had just shrugged it off (ignoring that tiny part of him that somehow enjoyed seeing the two of them like that and somewhat wanted them both to do that to him but that didn't matter...) and got on with working on the music part of their musical. Of which the deadline was getting closer and closer every time any of them blinked. This deadline was also the deadline for the scripts and as much as most of them could work under the pressure and handle it (especially the ADHDers who were practically wired to work under pressure) one of them, struggled with that. That was Seungmin.

Of course, Seungmin was perfectly capable of working on these scripts (with the help of his two funky friends and boyfriend) and the four of them were almost done, with their second and final act almost being completely written. However, the deadline was coming at him like a bullet and one particular morning, where they were all discussing their work in the auditorium, it all spiralled. Everything had been going wrong that day and it was only 10am. The students in the halls were too loud and he had no space to move, he slept in and Jeongin didn't even think to wake him up (even though he was just trying to help), the shower temperature was wrong and he couldn't get it right. His morning tea tasted different to normal and his clothes felt itchy on his skin. Yet he fought through, thinking he'd be all okay.

He was... for about 10 minutes.

He just snapped,

like a twig.

Except twigs are quite flimsy but Seungmin had already stuck through so much overstimulation that morning anyway. So I guess you could say he burst into flames, more and more things agitating him and poking at him until he just lost it. Zero to one hundred in the blink of an eye and he was so overwhelmed he lost control. What triggered him to explode? One simple sentence, a reasonable one too, in a conversation.

"I just can't believe we've got 4 days to finish this!" Minho said with a chuckle, Seungmin didn't know how he was so chill about it. Maybe he wasn't chill at all about it and Minho was just good at hiding it. Unlike Seungmin, who felt his breath become shaky and very quickly, the rest of his body as well.

"Only 4 days?" Seungmin almost snapped, his voice sounding quite obviously distressed. At his slight outburst and unusual tone of voice, seven pairs of eyes landed onto him. Seven times two is fourteen. Fourteen is Seungmin's unluckiest number. That's when he remembered it was the fourteenth day of the month. He looked up at the clock, fourteen minutes past the hour. He was just lucky it wasn't two in the afternoon because on the military clock (or the British 24 hour clock) two in the afternoon is the number fourteen but it was four hours away and his age had 'teen' at the end so somehow, it worked. Somehow things were just that unlucky.

"Yeah, but it's okay! We've got this!" A voice spoke. Felix. Seungmin liked Felix's voice, it was sweet and deep but in a peaceful way. The Australian always had an easy to read tone, giving Seungmin the ability to recognise Felix's emotions quickly (9 times out of ten at least). Seungmin could've sworn about five different voices were speaking to him at once but at that point, they all just blurred together. Like water had been poured on a fresh painting, it all blurred and ruined the artwork. He knew Hyunjin would hate that.

Then another voice was recognisable. Hyunjin's. "Seung? Are you okay?" No. He wasn't okay, the entire world was swirling around him like he was stuck in the middle of whirlpool. He tried to decipher everything around him but he just couldn't. It was painful. He felt himself squishing up into a ball, where he was sat on the stage, his surroundings shoving him further and further into the bubble.

Tears were filling his eyes, it hurt, he wanted it to stop. He wanted the voices to stop, he wanted the people around him to step back and stop coming closer. He wanted it all to-

"JUST STOP!" He yelled, he could see the people around him clearly for a moment. He could see Chan and Minho flinching, he had already assumed Minho was autistic like him and Chan and that just made him feel worse. He felt guilty, he saw them all looking at him like some kind of museum exhibit. Something to just stare at, maybe make fun of and ridicule. He felt so stuck that he needed to let it out, he couldn't help but scream.

He just screamed and screamed, shuffling himself against the floor and trying to escape. To where? He didn't know. He didn't know anything in that moment. He could make out the figures of Chan, Minho and Jisung covering their ears and leaving. He could see Felix and Hyunjin stepping away to give him space. He could see Changbin and Jeongin just sitting there, probably waiting for a cue to help him. He understood why Jeongin would do that, he's his boyfriend. Changbin seemed nice though, he had had some human 'character development' that Seungmin could see throughout their time so far spent together. Seungmin could see behind the glass, see something deeper and darker hiding behind that persona. He had seen Changbin get angry and stressed, he had even walked past him fighting someone but he could tell he was just misunderstood and therefore was willing to let Changbin help him.

"Minnie? Can you hold my hands?" His boyfriend spoke, gentle with his words and taking Seungmin's shaky hands in his. Seungmin didn't realise but he had starting gripping his hair and pulling it, one of the harmful stims he did during meltdowns and had to be helped to stop. That's what Jeongin was doing. "Can Lewis help you take some deep breaths? I'm gonna grab your bag quickly."

Jeongin let go of Seungmin's hands and ran over to the side of the stage, Changbin taking slow breaths with the younger to steady his breathing. "Great job, Sky."

"T-thank you." Seungmin breathed out, shakily and slowly.

"You don't need to thank me." He smiled, him and Jeongin helping Seungmin leave that heightened and unsafe state and be brought down to a more calmer level.

Kylo pulled out some of Seungmin's things from his bag, things that helped him but he was scared to use in public. These included; Seungmin's noise cancelling headphones and some of his favourite fidget toys. Jeongin knew these helped Seungmin so much but still, he could understand the anxiety of using them when other people could see.

As Seungmin fiddled with the purple tangle (his favourite stim toy) in his hands and took some breaths, his headphones comfortably on his head, Changbin remaining doing the deep breaths with him, Jeongin leaned in a pressed a kiss onto his lover's forehead.

"We'll be okay, Minnie. Promise." He smiled, Seungmin was calm again and all was okay. Somehow. It's hard to keep autism a secret although Seungmin wishes he could. At the end of the day, however, Seungmin didn't have autism. He was autistic. That's who he was and how was always gonna be, he just had to learn to embrace it.

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Oh, I'll take your hand when thunder roars,
And I'll hold you close, I'll stay the course,
I promise you from up above,
That we'll take what comes, take what comes, love

-Walking The Wire

SCENE 4