The Hit List

Chapter 34

I tried to argue. I tried to put up a fight. But it was all in vain. Here I was in the passenger seat once again, my hand shaking as I reached for the radio. "They're your family. You shouldn't be so afraid to see family."

"You're one to talk. When was the last time you talked to yours?" He should be hurt by my words, but he laughs. "Touché." Everything has been so strange since that night. Almost as though he wishes to ignore it ever happened.

So much is said in the silence though. The glances between us. The fact that I can still feel him on my skin. Every time I close my eyes I see him. It's made sleeping almost impossible. I crave the nightmares.

"How do you even know where my parents live?" I ask, picking at a loose thread on my sleeve. "Do you really want to know that, or would you rather know how I got a hold of your phone to send the message to your mom?" A small smile lifts his mouth.

"Are you going to tell me either?" I eye him as he steers the car through a roundabout. "Nope. You have your secrets, and I have mine. And I can't wait for your parents to spill some of them over a glass of wine." His smile spreads.

Uneasiness settles into my stomach like a stone. "You're not meeting my parents. I read the message you sent, you never mentioned me bringing a..." I pause. "Friend." I don't truly know if any word exists for what he is.

"I thought it would make for a nice little surprise. I bet you've never brought a boy home before. They'll be ecstatic." He speeds around a man going below the limit. "And you thought it would be a good idea to invite my siblings as well?" I feel my stomach flip.

"You're the one who wants to leave them behind, I figure it'll be a nice little send-away for you. A goodbye party they don't know they're throwing." He shrugs. "You're only making it more difficult for them to let me go. I'm not ready to give them their last memory of me." My finger runs along a loose piece of skin on my thumb. "I don't want them to remember me this way." 

He looks over at me as the road runs straight. "I thought you didn't want them to remember you at all." I shake my head. "Like you said, they'll remember me anyway. There's nothing I can do to stop it."

The trip is short. Nowhere near long enough for me to prepare for the war. My shields are up, but my guns aren't loaded yet. I have no way to retaliate. No way to truly protect myself from the love I don't want to feel.

We're almost there, and I'm not ready. I'm not ready to face them. To see the disappointment on their faces. To hear the endless questions. To struggle to answer them. To always come up short.

For Hitch to see the real me. For Andrew to see the real me. For every part of him to see every part of me. To watch him to see if he's willing to cut himself picking up my pieces. To wonder if I even want him to.

As the car inches closer to the destination, my heart races with anticipation and dread.

Every passing moment feels like an eternity. The silence between us is suffocating. I steal glances at the person beside me.

His presence is both a comfort and unease. The tension in the air is clear. I wonder what thoughts take up his mind. Is he wrestling with the same demons that attack me? 

The weight of his gaze feels heavy upon me. I long to break the silence. "When did you add it to your list?" 

He looks at me sideways. "What do you mean?" I meet his partial eye contact. "You couldn't have had this on your list before you met me, so when did you add it?"

His eyes briefly wander elsewhere. A moment of silence follows. "It's been there for some time now." He admits.

I glance at him. It's as if his admission carries a weight I can't fully hold onto. The realization that my life could spark a shift in his is both comforting and terrifying.